Ode to Depression

My dearest friend,
We have been together so long
It is impossible to remember who I was
Before you
Before us
I was no one
We will always be together

When we first met, you were tiny
Alone — Just like me
You whispered to me — 
All the things I felt were wrong
You told me were true
I’ve always believed you
You are the only one who is honest

When they hurt me
Only you cared
You taught me how to be strong
How to hide in plain sight, to pretend
You promised to love me forever
You promised to never leave
My best friend, you have never lied

When we were teenagers
So much emotion broiling inside
You understood me
Only you
You showed me how to shape the rawness
Into self-reliance, into control, into art
You have always inspired me

I cannot imagine my life alone
You have shown me so many things
Taught me so much
Everything I am, is because of you
The bad
And especially the good
Who would I be without you?

You are my one, constant companion
Upon you, I can rely
Always
You are the devil I know
My greatest nemesis
You are my downfall, and yet
You own all my success

When I get overwhelmed
You are my kill-switch
You shut me down
Turn me off
Put me in hibernate mode
Cripple me
You have always protected me

You know the depths of me
And they do not scare you away
You have seen my worst
You are my worst
You make me worse
I need you
No one will ever separate us

When I am flying too high
You pull me to the ground
You remind me
Of the terrible person
We are
You humble me
What would I do without you?

When I am pulled down in your relentless embrace
I must fight the weight of you
The depth of you
You challenge me in everything
Every tiny thing
So when I emerge, I am stronger
I am forever indebted to you

I must not speak of you
Your name cannot be uttered
They will think we’re broken
Their minds are closed
They can’t understand
Our love
You are my secret shame

We have been together so long
I have feelings only for you
No other quickens emotion in my chest
No other can pierce me to the core
Only you
Forever you
You remind me that I am alive

Sometimes I stray
I try on new friends, new interests
But they are fleeting
You know that
It’s you that fits me like a glove
I will always come back and
You always forgive me

No matter what they say
No matter what drugs they try
They will never separate us
We are so close now
There is no particle of me that is not you
But you have always been more than me
You are the stronger of us

You are getting quiet
What wrong?
Am I not enough for you anymore?
Have you finally consumed
All of me
And have nothing left on which to feed?
You must be placated

I’m afraid
Don’t leave me
Who am I, if not you?
Who will keep me safe, if not you?
Who will revile me, if not you?
You promised to never leave
I will not let you go.