Watch Out For The Holiday Blues

I remember this commercial it was for a brand of coffee…the main visual was this old percolator style coffee maker where you could see the coffee bubbling up through a clear piece of glass on the top of the lid. The camera would pan over a neat home as the family slumbered upstairs with the exception of a younger woman who has come downstairs early. She opens the door and announces that “Johnny’s, home”…fade to the family assembled and everyone is happy.

Those holiday commercials…and television in general can be the devil.

Being an only child the television was my default babysitter. I thought everything that happened on tv was real. No bullshit. I totally thought it was all real. So much so, that after seeing an episode of the Carol Burnett Show in which Vicky Lawrence, who played Carol Burnett’s mother, was knitting with colorful yarn, I gave my local station a call asking if I could have some of it because I needed it for a school project. The lady who answered the phone kindly let me know that the show was made in California not my hometown…so it would be difficult for her to gather that up for me. I immediately wished I lived in California.

Those silly holiday commercials were no different for me. I thought what I saw in them, particularly the images of families were true but existed in a place away far away. I compared them with my family situation and come to the conclusion that it was my family situation which was lacking. I’d been cheated out of toothpaste that left my pearly whites gleaming, a sassy maid named Alice or Florence , and a mother and grandmother who could change all of the furniture around with their magic powers. I was being short changed.

What television did for me as a child was provide company in a way that my elderly sick parents couldn’t. What it did to me…is give me an idea that all problems could be resolved in a short period of time. Everyone ends up happy in the end. And, that all of our needs will get met. If only I had been paying more attention to the news!

As I now approach another set of holidays as a single man, I was reminded of the conversation that sparked this post. I was in Washington DC, having a discussion with a group of friends. One of the guys that I didn’t know very well started talking about why he disliked the holidays and how long it took him to realize that his dislike came from an over exposure to too may televisions shows and commercials. As a result he had developed a distorted view of what the holidays and families looked like. And, that’s where it clicked…it wasn’t that I disliked the holidays…I actually like them quite a bit, especially Thanksgiving. But, they tend to bring up memories that make me sad…for me it’s the loss of both of my parents at a young age…and my being single. And with my old habit of comparing my real life to the imagined life represented by television shows and commercials…I found myself in the dumps about the holidays.

So, this year…I’m putting this reminder in print. I don’t dislike the holidays…but I do get a bit sad about the family I lost and the fact that my ideas of where I would be with a relationship of my own…hasn’t yet materialized. However, I’m not alone nor do I have any time to be lonely. I’ll spend Thanksgiving with friends that love me….and right after Christmas, I will board to fly across country to celebrate the 80th birthday of a woman who has been like a mother to me…and I’ll be greeted by a group of about 25 people who’ve taken me in to their family for the past 18 years.

In my real life. The coffee will brew…the door will open…and the lady that opens the door will smile at me and announce to a houseful of real people… “Hey everyone, Tyrone’s home”.