I browse Craigslist whenever left alone, the thought of ever owning my own studio suite acts as a fantasy that provides a temporary cure for the perpetual desperation. It’s either that, or I cry. Lately, I’ve been doing the latter more, resulting in the next day’s regrets as it is so hard to keep my swollen eyes as big as they usually are.
Eyeliner is a friend I’ve recently started hanging out with. The mark she leaves on my skin acts as a barrier to cover up the swelling of my eyes, and the tears they had shed so much the night before. The Face Shop felt tip eyeliner, I’ve had her for two years and she is still as amazing as ever.
In a few tech companies that I’ve visited, they leave dry shampoo, makeup remover, moisturizer, and many other beauty products in the washroom for their employees. I wonder if the relationship that all of these successful female designers had with these beauty products are the same as that of mine, the hope that this tiny bit of company benefit would help to cover up the darkness under their eyes, the bird marks of their skin, and the stretch of time that extends over their small faces.
But why do we put up a front to cover up our exhaustion, when we can extend a bit of kindness to one another, in the hopes that we too will receive some in the end?
You should be kinder to yourself, but how could you possibly ask someone who grew up so emotionally repressed to extend an ounce of affection towards her self? In the age of truth and reconciliation, we must acknowledge the faults in our own doings, and the fact is, I see too much fault in my existence to be anymore forgiving.
