What city living has taught me about patience and overstimulation

I grew up in a rural valley in central Oregon, our nearest neighbor several miles away. It was ranching country, with vast soybean fields set against the backdrop of the Cascade mountains.

Life was quiet there, a much slower pace. Never a traffic jam, unless you count two neighbors trying to use the phone’s ‘party line’ at the same time. Or a herd of cattle breaking out of the fence, the rural version of Friday night entertainment.

Contrast with living in the Dallas-Ft. Worth metroplex. The 4th largest group of people in the Unites States — 7 million of us living together in relative harmony.

Everywhere you go, so does everyone else.

• Banking? Wait in line.
• Groceries? Wait in line.
• Driving? Wait in line.
• Wait your turn.
• Wait some more.
• Please stop honking, the light only turned green .00276 seconds ago.

As a highly sensitive person and an introvert, city living can be a challenge.

The noise, the traffic, the pace. Constant presence of other people’s energy. Pressure to ‘compete’ to get the resources you need. Jets booming overhead every five minutes towards some international destination.

Commuting in bumper to bumper traffic for 45 minutes was one of the main reason I changed jobs.

I looked at 32 homes before I picked the place I now live — an unheard of acre oasis in a city with more zero lot line properties per capita. It’s a great fit and I enjoy the variety of wildlife that emerges from the nearby forest.

I’ve discovered I have a three day cycle for minimizing overstimulation — out in the world 2 days, at home for 1 day. Each person likely has their own stimulus cycle, have you ever observed yours?

I am now much more selective when and where I go. I am also much more patient with my fellow residents, recognizing we are all travelers on this same planet, having many of the same experiences.

As I write this, I am in a Freebirds World Burrito, funky background music the lunch soundtrack for gatherings of coworkers and families. A young child unhappily screeching for attention. I am aware this is a bonanza of sights, smells and sounds, so later I will choose downtime to compensate. But, I enjoy the vibe so I am choosing to hang for a bit.

Most importantly, I realize that other people have no idea how much stimuli they are creating. They are not doing it on purpose.

Awareness is the greatest self-care skill for HSPs; empowering ourselves to choose a level of stimulus we can handle. By simply observing your reactions, over time you will become the expert on you.

Balance overwhelming environments with places of quiet sanctuary. Ask for our needs whenever possible.

‘Would you mind turning the music down a bit so I can better hear what you are saying?’

‘Thank you for inviting me to the stadium concert, I prefer small music venues for their intimacy. Would you like to catch this new artist I am following?’

‘May I adjust the heater? It feels pretty chilly in here.’

I will always be a country girl at heart, but the city has a fascinating appeal, especially when I stay centered, practice loving compassion and take responsibility for my own level of stimulation.