10 Things That Happened in My Twenties
I’m saying good-bye to my 20s for the rest of the day and turning 30 tomorrow. Turning 30 doesn’t scare me. In many ways I’m looking forward to it. There is so much in my life to be grateful for and to look forward to, so why be worried that my body is a little sorer and that youths these days confuse me?
Looking back I have a lot to think well of these last 10 years and those times I will not miss to which I am bidding farewell.
So, here are 10 things I remember from my 20s in no certain order:
- Metal shows
I loved metal in my early 20s, and I don’t know if it’s a crisis of age, but lately I’ve been listening to bands I listened to 10 years ago and I love it. The screaming, and the indecipherable words are so much better than some of the indie electronic folk alternative music that’s out today. Where is the anger and passion in music anymore?
The first few years of my 20s I played in some bands. Wayside Remedy and We Are The Flood have since stopped playing music, but it was a lot of fun while it lasted. We still have a Myspace profile from the days when Myspace wasn’t creepy.
2. Marrying my best friend
In 2009 I stood beneath a large gazebo while I watched Andrea walk down the aisle between close friends and family. It was amazing overlooking the city of Richmond with the city skyline on one side and a long horizon of trees on the other. It was a spiritual moment for both us. I sang “A Whole New World” at the encouragement of a dear friend, and Andrea loved it.
I was also excited because I was going to have sex. I wanted to skip the whole photo and reception thing, but apparently that would be distasteful. I found peace in the fact that I had waited for 23 years to hop on the good foot, so another few hours wouldn’t be the end of the world.
3. Facing pain
After being married for a year we decided to start not trying to not get pregnant. We thought Andrea would be pregnant within a few months, but the months turned into a year. That year turned into a few more, and we thought it was never going to happen. It was a rough patch for us. We loved each other and worked together through it all, but the struggle was to find joy in the middle of feeling such loss. We both managed it our own way, but watching someone I care for so deeply feel pain and sadness made me angry. I thought God was a jerk for it all, but now I know there was more going on than either of us realized.
4. We had a baby
4 years after trying to get pregnant Emilia Alejandra came into our world and destroyed it in the best possible way. Nothing could prepare us for how awesome and tough this chapter in our lives would be. The first half of her life was filled with joy for us, and the second half saw a little struggle when my mom suddenly got sick and passed away. I still can’t believe we have a 1 year old. She is hilarious, fiery, and too sweet.
5. Skitching
I went through a skateboarding phase in my early 20s. I wore Vans and thought I could elevate myself to Tony Hawk status. Then I realized I have always been afraid of taking physical risk, so kicking and pushing at a slow speed on an even surface without any obstacles around became my skatepark.
One day I told my brother to drive up the street in my parents neighborhood. It seemed like a normal thing to do. Then I told him I wanted to hold on to the back of his truck and skitch. Skitching is where you hold on to the back of the car and go much faster with little effort. I don’t know why I was so stupid, but I was. There was no girl to impress. No fans standing around. Just me and my brother in my parents cul de sac.
It didn’t go well. 25 MPH is not a wise speed to travel on a skateboard. I have the scars to prove it.
6. 10 years of skinny pants
My birthday marks the 10 year anniversary since I decided wearing baggy and frumpy jeans was not what a man does. A man wears pants that have a small percentage of spandex in them. I started wearing skinny jeans when you could only find them in Hot Topic or on a girls clothing rack. My first pair of truly skinny jeans were in fact a pair of girls J. Crew jeans. They were called Matchstick. In my defense I didn’t know they were girls jeans because they had been accidentally placed on the men’s rack. Once I learned they were girls jeans I still wore them. I liked them so much I went back to that store, with Andrea, and bought a different pair — from the girls section. Andrea stood by me, vigilant in her belief that this too shall pass. It did — because clothing companies realized men everywhere were slimming down their jeans.
I have a little more space between my denim and my legs these days, but they are still skinny. Studies show that once you do something for so long it will take a lot of work and discipline to change. I’ll keep my pants this way, but I do look for jeans without spandex in the material.
7. I converted to city life
For the first 2/3 of my life I lived in suburbs and military bases. Then I moved to Richmond where I discovered that living in a city is one of the most enjoyable things you can do. Some disagree with me. That’s okay I suppose.
I don’t know if we’ll ever move out of a city and into the suburbs. If there is anything I have learned in my late twenties it is that we change. I just hope I don’t change in that way. And please don’t make me choose between skinny pants and living in the city. That is a decision I am not prepared to make.
8. I stopped taking everything so seriously
My early to mid-twenties were filled with arrogance and imbalanced opinions. I saw things my way and believed I was right even when someone had very good reason why I was not right. I learned that life is much more complicated than broad brushed categorizations of things as black and white. I learned that life is complex, relationships are complex, and I am extremely imperfect with a lot ahead of me to learn. I used to take everything so seriously, thinking I needed to prove myself, and be everything to everyone. There are still those days where I wrestle with those areas of my life dictating my emotions and how I respond, but largely I now understand the importance of listening before speaking — although I don’t always — and that I cannot please everybody, so I’d rather have authentic relationships and be honest about my shortcomings as a human being.
9. I started a business then a non-profit with my wife
When I was 24 I realized I was working for someone doing all of the work, and getting paid a lot less than they were. I was working for a small home renovation company. I would go do a job, get the check for my boss, and realize that I made $33 and my boss made about $500. He didn’t do anything. I did. So, I left the job and started my own home renovation company working mostly in a historic neighborhood in Richmond. I also started the business because I wanted the flexibility for Andrea and I to start Gray Haven, something we had been dreaming about for a few years.
Starting my own business was one of the scariest and more rewarding decisions I have made. Leading up to the decision I was terrified, but once I got into it I wasn’t terrified, but exhilarated.
There is too much to lose by watching life pass by wishing we could do certain things. There will never be a perfect time to take a risk, pursue that opportunity, or alter the trajectory of your life. But, no matter how hard it is and how much it takes you will likely survive.
10. I realized God cares less about conversion and more about transformation
Growing up in a home with Christian parents meant that by proximity I became a Christian. I am not saying it wasn’t genuine, but it was an easy choice because it was what I knew. I don’t know if I understood at that point that this meant following Jesus. I thought it was just the religion I was a part of. I saw some good come of it, so it must have been okay.
Then I got older and wanted to know what following Jesus really meant. This is when the idea of religion was less interesting and the idea of authenticity became important. I went through a period of legalistic adherence to Christian doctrine. I did what I was supposed to do to perform for those who exercised their leadership over me.
But, when I hit my 20s I wanted to know who God is, why he is, and what he really wanted. I learned that following Jesus was more than games, and in many ways, it was the opposite of religious games. I learned that God is concerned about the world, about all people, and does not enjoy suffering. It’s part of the core ethos of God to restore people to himself. It’s not about cleaning people up to package them for a church setting, it’s about bringing us closer to him so that we can be made new through love and intentional transformation of our character. It’s hard to put a doctrine to that, but we have tried for thousands of years, and we will keep trying. In the process God will draw us to be made new, to be restored, and be known by the love we have for others around us.
That’s it…
My 20s were a great period of exploration and maturing for me. I still have a ways to go and I am excited to see what my 30s bring. I am sure there will be incredible memories and gut wrenching struggles. Hope to see you there!
