Don’t you hate it when you think of a great idea way too late?

This happened to me a few weeks ago when I suddenly got the brilliant idea to use one of my favorite athletes who wore № 33, Larry Bird, to represent my wife’s 33rd week of pregnancy. As I posted a picture of Bird, then Auburn all-everything tailback Bo Jackson (34), I asked myself why hadn’t I been doing this throughout the pregnancy.

Let me tell you about my Minneapolis and St. Paul — the Twin Cities.

For the past few days, you’ve likely watched the Twin Cities burn. Our divisive president called peaceful protesters “thugs.” A police precinct, major box stores, Mom & Pop shops … all have been destroyed in the past 3–4 days in the fallout from the May 25 murder of George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer.

I’m here to show you the heart of our community, the people who have uplifted their neighbors and helped out during a time of immense need. …

I called my mother an asshole yesterday.

Twice.

Pretty much my entire family is mad at me right now, but I can’t say that I’m overly apologetic, other than I didn’t mean to show disrespect to my Mom by cursing. That’s a sin in the South, you know? We have better manners than that.

But here’s the deal: I’m tired of people who won’t listen to good science and who feel entitled to endanger the lives of other people by not wearing a mask when in public spaces.

I have a whole repertoire of salty language enhanced from years spent in newspaper newsrooms across the south, ready to unload on people not following solid public health policy right now, and I can promise you, my Mom got off lightly. But if I’m calling out other people, why not include my mother if she’s also being irresponsible? …

When our little girl arrives in July, my wife will be Mommy (or Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mama, Mama, Mama, Ma, Ma, Ma, as it were). And yes, my wife hates that joke.

My wife and I talked for months about our decision to have a child. I agonized over it.

You see, there’s a 15-year age gap between us. At then-34, she was still a near-perfect age for having children, especially as more and more women wait until later in life to start a family.

I, on the other hand, was looking at the prospect of turning 50 before a child would arrive. Doing the math made me anxious. I’d be 68 when my child graduated from high school. …

Updated: As the weather has warmed, folks are turning to “drive-by” events. I’ve added a section below on how to stay safe and socially distanced if you go this route.

Yes, we know, use Zoom and other video streams for all things party-related while we are isolated and practicing social distancing during this time of COVID-19.

But just exactly how do we throw a good birthday party on these venues?

I’m here to answer that question with more detail than you can find anywhere else on the Internet because I got to experience it first-hand in late March thanks to my lovely partner. She put in the work, and now I’m going to write about it, so you can also experience this fun during these Covid-19 isolation times. …