I’m not sure there’s an easy way for me to do this.
While I’ve been so blessed to have learned some transformative new idea, practices and techniques in the past 9 years, thanks largely to having met the woman I married, in so many ways I deeply wish to improve. Having a young family makes me feel especially charged with the task. It was easy to be defensively stubborn and cynical when I felt like it was only my own life affected by any neglect towards myself, but a lot of that changed for me since having my two kids.
Part of taking a more active practice (or what often feels to me more like “slightly less total standstill”) in doing the things I know can help me better my ability to be more compassionate, present, patient, confident and loving, is trying some new things I never before thought I would do, or at least since becoming an adult.
I have been reading a lot of Brené Brown in the past month, and an idea that resonates with me is that of distinguishing between an act of sharing truths about ourselves in a way that is vulnerable but that comes from a place of courage, and something that is done for reasons that are ultimately destructive towards us and others: self-pity, to judge, to violate or harm.
I have enjoyed writing since being a kid. Because a skill that I need to work on is confidence, and I like writing that is personal (rather than writing stories or fiction) it seemed appropriate to try this out and on this new Medium thing. Having just spent way too long migrating my technical blog from one platform to another (which I mostly completed two days ago), I’m especially steeped at this moment in the issues of where one writes, how to best connect with others and feel like you’re in the right place… to whatever extent those things can be decided amongst the chaotic and dulling forces of the Internet.
I usually feel jaded about the entire world of social media, but in spending just a few minutes browsing and using Medium, it’s immediately obvious that it’s a very new and fresh take on the “network.” My conflict about how much to care about this kind of thing at all is an internal dispute of its own, because it often seems too meta and self-indulgent.
But in the best of times, I realize that all of this must be accepted with loving kindess, and to just be myself. Here’s to something new.