August: Step Yes, Step No

Twisting Nether
Aug 28, 2017 · 3 min read

I don’t know what to write but I really felt that I must be writing something. After all, I’ve been drinking too much and the intake is more than what the outtakes are. It’s not good but not bad either.

The thing is I’m reaching a stalemate myself. I’m in an impasse and I have no move to make. How’s this and that? It’s not like it’s my turn to roll the dice. But even if it’s my turn, it’s a risk no matter what the outcome is.

July was the worst month for me and surprisingly I am still breathing despite a number of attempts to just go with it and cut it short. But I guess it’s a fortunate situation contrary to what I wrote back then. August turned out to be probably the best month of the year cause of sudden turn of events, or is it?

Roots

If you ask me why? I really don’t know. There’s just a surge what seems to be positivity . For a number of occasions it is still indeed dark, but hey light’s peeking at the box hole anyway.

Things lately is just like a dose of alcohol. No matter what the reasons are for you intakes either negative or positive it doesn’t matter. You’ll be numb sooner or later. It makes sense, it doesn’t matter what I have in my mind right now — a lot perhaps and most of them are things I can no longer comprehend. It’s ironic however that I am writhing this thing.

I am feeling nothing. Nothing in the sense that, I am numb in such a way that it’s either happy or sad but that’s just a cyclic set of emotions that would surface one while the other submerges.

Nothing
And I feel nothing. I’d like to think that it’s all positive and upbeat. Yes I am upbeat in the sense that for some shitty reason I found myself being positive after a deep plunge from reality.

And no it isn’t about Hyacinth. This is what sucks when making friends with somebody recently. People would always assume this and that and unfortunately however on my end, sometimes it is in reality what was predicted but no it isn’t.

How could I write something about someone whom I just met one week ago?
But if we’re being honest, she’s weird and unique and like her color preference, she’s dark in nature not in the sense of character but if I were to describe her, she’s mysterious.

So do you feel something? Miggy asked me this question a couple of times, same for the friends I used to talk recently. Nope not at all, but that person caught my attention instantly that I became interested. But again, here am I putting a dot on everything recently. Nope, not philophobic.

It’s just I really feel nothing. I can’t even feel something for myself, how the hell I could feel something for someone.

But I already felt upset about something that relates with her. It’s about a person which I could write another entry on the reasons why. After all, it’s under the ground.

How I view August?
August was more of an upside for me. A lot of good things happened that really made me walk again. A lot of things that I should be excited occurred in this month.

But if you ask me with all honesty if I’m completely fine, there are still more things that matter that I am not fine and okay with. A lot of things that I’m still drowning within thyself. A lot of things.

But for now it’s okay feeling nothing cause everything seems bearable when you’re numb.

)
Twisting Nether

Written by

Sketchy try hard writer who writes hoping to make things right.

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