Dame Margaret’s Sunnies Roundup
If eyes are the windows to the soul, then apparently nothing makes me feel more glamorous than HIDING my soul behind cheap sunglasses. I have been known to call sunnies season selfie season because once I have the right pair, I become incapable of NOT taking pictures of myself in them literally every second. The pair featured in all but one of these pictures is the pair of sunglasses I have been looking for since my Entirely Cliche Holly Golightly Obsession at 14, and they can be had on Amazon for just $9.99! I Which is very important, because the only thing I do more often than take selfies of my sunnies is lose them. As I am headed to California, I decided it was time to branch out, which meant browsing ALL the sunglasses offered by ZeroUV on Amazon, which means YOU LOYAL READERS get to see what I deem the cream of that particular crop. My sincerest apologies to those of you who must, for reasons of poor vision and contacts-aversion, buy only prescription sunglasses. This will be salt in an open wound and I can only hope you forgive me. NOW! For the rest of you!
- I love a good pair of tortoiseshell sunnies! Tortoiseshell feels a little less severe than black frames, like the rest of what I’m wearing does not have to be fully DONE to justify my absurd frames. You can go for my classic Golightlies, which demonstrate the TRUE secret of why Ray Bans are so flattering: it’s because they go STRAIGHT ACROSS your face rather than curving with it. It’s the CURVING that convinced so many of you, incorrectly, that big sunglasses make you look like bugs. If you want to be a little more Faye Dunaway than Audrey Hepburn, you can go for this very similar but slightly more sinuous pair that read as VERY 1970s, in the best, caftanniest way. OR you can do the classiest possible iteration of the kitchiest of all possible frames with a lovely pair of tortoiseshell heart-shaped sunnies.
- Or, if you’d prefer to have your kitsch served with a side of EXTRA kitsch, you could treat yourself to one of ZeroUV’s many shades of POLKA DOT heart-shaped sunnies or a pair of RAINBOW REFLECTIVE heart-shaped sunnies. The secret of wearing sunglasses like these is understanding the Moxie Markup: by choosing to wear something that most people imagine is IMPOSSIBLE to pull off, you appear both super cool (like you’re ABOVE caring about plebeian things like what’s FLATTERING) and also like the item flatters YOU (because most people actually look pretty good in most things as long as they feel really happy while wearing them). So grab yourself a pair of glitter-framed reflective sunglasses, grin like anything, and wait for the compliments to flood in.
- If, like me, reflective lenses are the trend you’ve decided to conquer this summer, there are a lot of options for you! How about a pair of Golightlies, but with translucent pink frames and green-magenta reflective lenses? Or maybe a pair of Dunaways in blue with mirrored lenses the color of the sky RIGHT after the sun’s dipped below the horizon? Or you can match me exactly by treating yourself to a translucent blue cat-eye pair with gold-magenta lenses. These are waiting for me on my doorstep at home and I can’t WAIT to see how they look on.
- And finally, maybe you want to go REAL retro with a pair of proper cat eyes. Then maybe you’d like this darling pair with brown lenses and pearlescent olive frames? OR you could pursue another one of this summer trends and treat yourself to this cream pair with smokey tan lenses and a fashion-forward metal bridge?
Whichever pair — or pairs!! — you pick, PLEASE be sure to take a lot of satisfied selfies in them and tweet them at Your Dames! Remember my fashion motto, now immortalized by the incredible Kady Yates: everything matches and there’s nothing you can’t pull off.
