You, the Engineering Problem
I’m not very good at most things. Most people aren’t. The number of people in the world is many orders of magnitude larger than the number of academic disciplines; getting into the top 20% of even a handful of these would require more time than exists.
One thing I am particularly deficient in is existing; that is, being a person. Many of us are. I have a number of problems, from communication, to over-optimism, to estimation.
What I find very striking as a resident of the startup community is that, while many people spend tremendous amounts of energy trying to solve business problems, they treat themselves as largely lacking in these personal ones.
Admitting you’re in need of improvement means admitting you’re not perfect. Refusing to do so does seem justifiable, both from an ego and a business perspective. However, assuming you, like me, are not actually particularly fantastic in all areas, improvement is likely to make you dramatically happier than continuing to pretend.
You are an engineering problem. I am an engineering problem. Figuring out how to become a better human is one of the most significant and wide-reaching investments you can make in your future career and happiness.
Stop Pretending
The entire concept of improving as a person is premised on the idea that you are not perfect already. (If you’re so fantastic, why would you need improvement.)
Trying to impress is likely the biggest enemy of becoming a better person. Technical and entrepreneurial circles seem to be particularly full of this. It’s impossible to form real connections when we’re worried about appearances, and without real connections it’s impossible to even figure out what your problems are.
I showed earlier how difficult it would be to actually become fantastic at everything, so why do we pretend we are? Because people are often willing to believe. In spending a short amount of time with someone, it’s easy to miss the downsides, and only see the upsides — some sort of corollary to “the grass is always greener.”
Figuring out your problems and mistakes is absolutely necessary, but to actually improve, you also need to acknowledge them. Pretending you made the right decision is incompatible with making more correct decisions going forward. (How could a new decision be more correct than the old correct?)
One casualty of this is personal brands. Trying to build an image for yourself requires hiding the bad parts and pretending mistakes weren’t. This is the part I’ve most struggled with.
“Tell Me More”
How do we get out of networking mode and start forming real connections? Listen. We love it when others listen, but we treat listening as a weakness.
How many times have you pretended to know what someone was talking about so you didn’t seem to be less knowledgeable? Refusing to admit a lack of knowledge is a major issue, one lambasted in things like SCIgen, and the Sokal affair. (And, as in these incidents, it’s also usually pretty obvious.)
Stop pretending. When faced with something you don’t know, say, “tell me more.”
Acknowledging shortcomings does not make you a worse person — people love telling others about things they’re passionate about, and being around someone who is unattainably better than you is somewhat depressing.
More importantly, genuinely listening actually lets you learn and improve.
