Backpacking Mexico // Week 8: God Damn it Chiapas (First Tinder Experience)

(Tuxtla Gutiérrez, Chiapas / July 15, 2017)

Story time..

So I download Tinder.. I’ll let that sink in.. I am also ashamed but I download it with good intentions. Through out my entire journey in Mexico I have come in contact with other travelers and they all told me the same thing,

“Your missing out, download it and use it as a social tool to met new people and make friends.”

So after the fifth time hearing it I put my ego aside and that’s what I did. But my first experience with it was a trip.

I met this girl in a park (note she super liked me, as superficial as this sounds). When we met she had some friends with her that were guys, which I found a little strange but hey I could have been the classic Creglist creep as far as she knew, so it was a reasonable thing. We got some food and everything was going well.

Things went so well that I invited her on a date the next day to the zoo, which ended up being closed so we went to see Spider-Man instead. All this time I was under the impression that she was single and I was sprinkling some gentlemen moves here and there on her. It wasn’t until after the movie that she ask me if I want to go to a park with her and “Her Boyfriend”.. wait, wait, wait, so your not single, you have tinder, and you super liked me.. that’s a tad bit strange, but hey I rolled with it because I wanted to see the city and they were my only ticket.

The end of the afternoon rolled around and we made plans for the upcoming Friday. We were going to go clubbing at a local hip night club. Something that was going to be completely new for me.

Friday rolls around, I’m chilling in my room looking good as usual waiting for a text. She keeps pushing back the time until we finally agree upon 11:30. I get there. It’s a dim light place with a dance floor and leather couches that could tell more stories then your grandfather. The way this place was set up reminded me of clubs in Syfy video games (yeah I’m a nerd), couches where in place for no reason, strobe lights were so bright they blinded people, and their were lots of women in skimpy dresses dancing.

We got some drinks, started dancing, I tried some moves with a few of the locals only to be meet little success, people started paring up for the night, and so we got the vibe to move on. We all went outside and got a cab, at this point I had no clue where we were going, I was just along for the ride. They said the next place was the best..

From outside it looked respectable, a gray colored building, one entrance, and a bouncer that looked like someone pissed in his Cheerios, the normal I’d say. But when I got in things quickly changed. I saw pink lights flashing with smoke or maybe that was my vision after all the mixed drinks. Either way once the confusion cleared I saw about 8 half naked men and women on tiny stages spread out all around the bar. The men all looked like lubed up replicas of The Situation wearing thongs and the women all looked like lubed up Sammi’s in fishnets. I couldn’t help but just stand their is pure confusion and aw, what the fuck did I just walk into.

My friends pulled me back to reality and guided me to a table were we got a bucket full of Dos Equis. I gave the place a good look around and I could see people touching the legs of these dancers. It turns out that this is normal thing here in these clubs but I couldn’t get my mind wrapped around it. Like what were these customers thinking,

“OMG I JUST TOUCHED HER LEG (middle school snickers )

Like come on bro if you want to touch a women so bad just start talking to a one on the street, get to connection with her and then go from there. I bet you can touch her legs all you want then and shit if possible even go further.

So for me their was nothing attractive about this act. These women or men are just trying to get payed and they got these little dingleberries hanging around touching their legs.

My friends caught notice and had me touch a dancers leg but honestly it was strange and the lady just shrugged it off and kept dancing. Later in the night I eventually went to the bathroom and was accompanied by my friend. We washed our hands and from the side of my view I saw an extremely attractive women wearing a horizontal stripped dress the accented all of her curves. I nugged my homie giving him this magical opportunity to view the goddess or so I thought. He then came down on my on my dreams hard then a thousand bricks by telling me that this “goddess” was actually a dude…

“Bro that’s a dude”

(Now I will say this, the surgeries really did pay off for this women because her transformation was amazing and I couldn’t even tell she was trans. But with that being said I can’t say that I am into trans women.)

I just stood there in disbelieve straining at this women. Being from North Dakota I hardly ever see this. Then suddenly she turned around and caught me checking her out. I didn’t know what to do. I just awkwardly walked back with friend to our table.

I found out that this bar was know for being a gay bar, and I saw many trans women but none of them met up to her.

I was catching so many looks from her and even at one point she came close enough to me waiting for me to engage into a drunken conversation with her, but I wasn’t taking the bait.

I hate to make her sound like a alien because at the end of the day she is only a human too, but I couldn’t help trying to shake off Lola by the Kinks playing in the back of my mind.

Segwaying this conversation back to the Tinder Girl who was there with me that entire night and even gave me this mind opening experience. In the taxi on our way home, I found out that she was on the rocks with her boyfriend for the last week and broke up that day with him. That’s why she started using Tinder again.

So in the end of it all, everything worked out. But god damn Chiapas you took me for a ride, and I thank you for that..

T. Rietz