Backpacking Europe: Loneliness
Loneliness, if I could describe the first day here in one word, it would be loneliness. I have never felt so lost, confused and alone in my entire life.
I arrived at Heathrow airport with basically no idea how to get to the hostel I had booked earlier the day before. It took about 20 minutes of walking around the airport like an idiot, reading all the signs until I found somewhere I could buy a train ticket. The only form of direction I had was a screenshot of the directions to the hostel from the airport, the first part read: “Take the Piccadilly line and get off at ‘South Kensington’. Change now to the District Line. Get off at Aldgate East…” So I told the nice lady working at the train booth I needed to go to Aldgate East, she told me it would cost 6 pounds and I tried to hand her 50 Euros… she looked at me like I must have had 6 heads and said “Uh… no we can’t take — ” I cut her off, realizing I had exchanged the wrong type of currency back in Boston and handed her my credit card. After I got my train ticket and figured out how to get to the underground train station, I walked up to the machine, put my ticket in and it let me through; I was ready to go. I got onto the first train I saw, thankfully it took me in the right direction. I followed the directions I had on my screenshot, got off South Kensington and hoped onto the District Line train until I hit the Aldgate East stop. About 45 minutes later I was above ground in the middle of London with no clue where to go next. The next step in my directions made no sense to me, they were very vague and could have led me down 15 different streets.
I don’t have data internationally so if I want to use my GPS or anything that uses the internet, I need wifi. After walking around, again like an idiot for 15 minutes trying to find my way, I began to panic a bit. I needed to figure out how to get to the hostel. I was exhausted, cranky, hungry and I had already began to feel lost and lonely. I chose to sit in a small coffee shop and have something to eat so I could use their wifi. After having the cheapest thing on the menu(which was some bland chicken sandwich with some peppers and too much cheese), I plugged the address to the hostel into my GPS, took a screenshot of the directions and headed off. It wasn’t very far away, only about a 15 minute walk. I arrived a bit too early for check in so I hung around in the lobby area and browsed the internet a bit, trying my best not to dose off. I spent a little bit of my time listening to everyone around me talk, the accents, the mannerisms, very different and interesting. Honestly, I thought America was a melting pot, but it seemed to me like in this one hostel there were 10 different types of people all in one room. Everyone had a different accent, some sounded local, some didn’t even speak english but I didn’t hear one person who sounded American; that was unnerving.
Once 2 o’clock came around I was able to check into my room. Exhausted, I immediately threw my stuff into the provided locker and passed out until about 6 pm, I didn’t even put my pajamas on, all I wanted to do was sleep. When I woke up I began to realize how alone I felt and how honestly scared I was. I realized I was in a strange place, half way across the world, with not a single person I knew around me who I could talk to. This is when I felt the worst. All I could think about is how much I wanted to be home with my friends and family, back to my normal routines and back to being comfortable. I texted the people closest to me to seek that comfort I was looking for. I needed someone to tell me I should stay, and that’s what they all did. “Remember why you started, remember why you booked this trip in the first place.” They were right, this is why I booked this trip, to get out of my comfort zone, to get lost and figure out how to get somewhere i’ve never been, to find myself. I spent the rest of the night talking to those same people who gave me that comfort. I researched the area around me so I could have a plan for the next day and I did my best to change the terrible mindset I had.
This trip will not be as easy for me as I envisioned. I know I will have my ups and my downs but I have to do my best to remember why I began this adventure. In the end, I know I will come out of this a better person, having seen a bunch of the world while I am at it.
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