A Letter To You All
Hello my fellow league mates! I’m currently writing this because I’m bored at work and just want to have an enjoyable piece about our fantasy football season.
We’re about halfway through until we crown a new champion! Oh shit, wait…. am I considered a new champion if it’s a repeat for me? I’m sure one of you will answer that question in the Group Me for me, probably Zach. Anyways, lets continue on.
We’ve made it halfway through the season and look how far we’ve come. From Josh bitching about the FAAB budget because he was rostering two defenses and didn’t want to spend a single measly dollar on someone he thought no one wanted, to have only spent $12 so far! And $10 of that $12 came from bidding on the Jets defense (insert my crying face emoji here).
Oh, how can we forget his meltdown’s every week when he’s up 40 with a kicker left for the opposing team, or about how he’s going to be facing Dan & Worm in the toilet bowl with their rightfully placed sewage department teams. At this point, I’m hoping Josh ends up in the toilet bowl with the most PF for any team. Some might think it as comical, I think of it as destiny.
Speaking of toilet bowl (sorry Dan & Worm), raise your hand if you thought Marcus wasn’t going to win a single game all season. For Christ's sake, the man picked Baker Mayfield in the 4th round! Feeling Dangerous isn’t just Baker’s phrase, it was Marcus’ thinking for his entire draft. He’s currently riding a 4 game win streak going into this week, with 2 of those wins coming against Ryan (we’ll get to your season in a bit, Ryan). I’m just going to assume that Marcus did some praying to Ronnie Coleman and ate some kale salad to watch his team rise from the dead. Clean eats equals fantasy success is what they always say.
Ryan, Ryan, Ryan… sheesh. I’m sorry that Adam Gase has one of the best RB’s in the NFL on his team and doesn’t know how to use him. Melvin Gordon hasn’t exactly helped you out either like he did last year. Ultimately, this season may not end up where you wanted it to, hell you may repeat as the last place finisher this year, but you’ve at least got something to hang your hat on. You finally won the Bucky Bowl! We’re all so very proud of you, as well as Bucky. We just won’t tell Mirn that you’re his favorite dog parent.
Cam, we all hate you. Your good looks, your ridiculously good team with Dalvin Cook, CMC, and Cooper Kupp. My main competitor for The Amy. I say it from the bottom of my heart that everyone in the league hopes you lose.
Danielsan & Worm, I wish I had something to say here but quite frankly, I’m drawing blanks. Big matchup this week for the chance to be the resident bottom dweller of the Essos division, perhaps this week is the start of your turnaround, after all you’re only one game out of the playoff race!
Mirn, best of luck this week in our rematch from the championship last year. The same one where I snapped my fingers and your team ceased to exist anymore.
Jake, you still owe us a keg. FUCKIN’ NEW GUY RUINS EVERYTHING. Plus, you took not only one, but two L’s to me last week across two leagues.
Kyle, thank you for being my favorite trade partner in this league. I foresee that we’ll continue to do very many trade dealings in the near future with each other. Also, thank you for selling Mike Evans low. My favorite trade the last two years.
Overall, I wasn’t sure where I was going with this. I didn’t want to be too mean, but I also wanted to talk shit. I mean, hard not to when you’re 7–1 and a loss from Worm and a win from me from clinching a playoff spot this early. Perhaps I’ll write another one of these when the playoffs start, predictions and all.
Peace, Love, & Amy Brunswick.
-Your Commish & Reigning Champ, Tyler Simpson.