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Jonathan Borba via Unspash.

Hello, apologies in advance for the random email but I’m a massive fan of your work. I aspire to be a badass creative professional like you and think I could reach that level one day with the proper guidance. Can I buy you coffee and pick your brain?

Hey! I’m not sure if my first email conveyed how excited I am about potentially picking that big ole brain of yours! I can’t wait to learn what makes you tick and any tips to get the creativity flowing. (Plus, I would love some tips on how to make my Instagram cooler…

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Dear Person,

Further action is required in order for you to be paid for your work with our company. You have been invited to submit paperwork, be bombarded by a litany of automated messages and possibly receive your paycheck via our newly revamped payment portal, Labyrinth-Pay (formerly the Ninth Circle of Hell-Pay).

We use Labyrinth-Pay to help manage all the H.R.-related needs for full-time employees we don’t particularly like and freelancers such as yourself. Heads up: You may find things difficult to navigate. The platform was created by a graphic designer obsessed with Cubism, rather than someone with a background…

Today’s design aesthetic is minimalist and millennial-friendly. Why are sobriety apps excluded?

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Credit: tommaso79/iStock/Getty Images Plus

There’s a sameness permeating much of today’s design aesthetic: monochromatic hues, bold typography, and interfaces that are easy on the eyes and even easier to use. Over the past few years, this ubiquitous — and arguably now monotonous — minimalist style has come to dominate websites, apps, logos, commercials, billboards, and subway ads. From e-commerce startups selling everything from electric toothbrushes (Quip) to period-proof underwear (Thinx), the aesthetic is seemingly inescapable.

Except in one category: sobriety.

The majority of sobriety-based apps are ugly and clunky and lack the veneer of glossy modernism and effortless usability that coats the other apps…

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Illustration by Fanny Luor

Mr. Fall is strikingly handsome and almost always wearing a J. Crew flannel, Filson overcoat, and L.L.Bean duck boots. His stubble is rugged enough to look stylish and manly, but not so much so that it’d scratch your cheek if you kissed him. He’ll offer up the last apple cider donut from the farmers market without hesitation. He’s as cool as an October breeze with a smile as warm as a wool Pendleton blanket. Mr. Fall is the man responsible for all of the season’s autumnal charm, after all.

Heather always knew a meet-cute with Mr. Fall was possible. Many…

Tyler Watamanuk

Tyler Watamanuk is a writer and producer of things. His writing has appeared in The New York Times, GQ, Vice, McSweeney’s, and others.

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