I’m coming out — Baby parody

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I was asked to re-lyric a song for an audition. I didn’t get into the production, but I quite like what I’ve done. If anybody’s up for performing this in a revue please record it and let me know!

The original song is “I want it all” from Baby the musical.


Scene: A small room. Three people, A, B and C, sit alongside each other, in a semi-circle, AA-style. C is in the middle while A is on stage right, and B on stage left. They are in an LGBT support group, and are sharing their experiences.

(Off-stage VO): What’s your story then?

A: So I’m from a working class family in a rather dim area, and the guys in my school, well they aren’t exactly the brightest. (Cue music) They talk about partying and shagging girls all day long like it’s their only purpose in life. But I never did really “score”, and they give me shit about it.

A: All my mates give me shit ’cause I’ve never scored one with a girl

But I never could bother to ask someone out

And then I got on with this nice gal

Then suddenly I realised

While her bro is hot, she is really not

My mind has never been this clear

(stands up) I’m coming out

I’m coming out

I want to get on with a cute guy

Fall in love there is no doubt

I want a dinner and a bed filled with petals

I want my friends to call us a perfect couple

I want six children and a dog on the front yard running about

I’m coming out

(A dances a little (think stereotypical gay dancing), then with a glaring look from C, decides to sit back down. The focus is now on B.)

B: I knew I was gay since maybe 7th grade, but I’m from a Christian family and being gay wasn’t something they accepted. I had a hard time accepting myself then one day I realised, why are we following some made up stories written thousands of years ago?

All the church would tell us on gays is that they’re sinners

They are vile abominations and they’ll burn for life in hell

But I have never done a bad deed

So why am I the bad seed?

And my inner urge, tells me to diverge

From the place that hated my true self

I’m coming out (A: oh yeah)

I’m coming out (A: oh yeah)

I want to be proud of who I am

No more hiding or lock-outs

I want a taste of men of all sorts of sizes

I want to bring him to lunch with both my parents

B: I want to break out from the borders of an ancient storybook

A: I want to kiss a guy under the mistletoe with glaring looks

A, B: I want to slap bigots who base their choices on a random book

Give them the look

(A and B dances together, when C decides to interject)

C: But wait, just think

About the consequences

If the world says no,

We end up burning bridges

And our friends, will they,

turn their backs away from us?

For we don’t fit in the norm

Not what they thought of us before

A (or B): If they don’t love you for being you, are they really friends after all?

(C thinks for a moment, then suddenly stands up, singing:)

C: I’m coming out (A, B: oh yeah)

I’m coming out (A, B: oh yeah)

I’m sick and tired of this old closet

time to blow up and walk out

Well screw the world if they ain’t gonna accept us

We’ll just outlive them then they’ll drop off the census

C: I want to dance my arse off in a stuffy gay club to Carly

A: I want my children growing up with tolerance and empathy

B: I wanna know that I can find inside me anyone I need

All: I’m coming out!

I’m coming out!

I want to stand tall to the whole world

Shout it out, we’re gay and proud

A: I want rainbows

C: I want gay prides

B: I want drag makeup

A: I want equality

C: I want saunas

B: I want musicals

A: I want blind dates

B: I want twink gangbangs

C: I want to make out with every single guy on the dance floor

A: I’m coming out! (B, C: Coming out)

B: I’m coming out! (A, C: Coming out)

C: I’m coming out! (A, B: Coming out)

All: I’m coming out!

C: I could get into this!

(They end the song by sitting back on their respective chairs.)

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Programmer, Student

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