We watched it so you don’t have to….
Let me say this up front: this will not be the first time, nor the last time that we will see a fundamentally unhealthy relationship get glamorized by the media.
To say that my relationship status on Facebook with Fifty Shades of Grey would be listed as “complicated” is an understatement. I read the books because my Mom said that I couldn’t complain about them without reading them. She was right. Now that I have read them, I dislike the story-line for a variety of reasons. I am a sex-positive person, and I firmly believe in and advocate for enthusiastic consent in all relationships. This is something that I do not see in the books, and my Mom (who loves the books by-the-way) and I have had several conversations about them. She may never agree with my upset over the abuse that I see, or the outrage I feel about the book misrepresenting what BDSM is truly about. My Mom may never agree with me about the dangers of glamorizing domestic violence relationships in television, books, films, etc. I also know that my Mom is smart enough to know the difference between something being acceptable and kinda sexy as fantasy, and the same situation in real-life being abusive and frightening. I do not have the same faith in the rest of humanity however.
In the course of my work at the sexual violence coalition, I get asked often what my opinion is on Fifty Shades of Grey. The first thing that I point out is that there is a huge difference between what BDSM is and what a domestic/sexual violence relationship is. The book is abuse- it is NOT true BDSM. A true BDSM relationship is marked by open, honest, and EQUAL communication between partners. Consent is always clear and direct. And while during scene play, the power dynamics between dominance and submissiveness are explored, both parties have the freedom of choice to stop when their boundaries are crossed. Additionally the power dynamics end when the scene ends. In an abusive relationship the focus is power and control, with one partner ALWAYS having the power and control over the other. There is no open discussion. And the most potentially lethal moments in the relationship is when the abused partner tries to leave. Abusive relationships happen in cycles: it begins with a honeymoon period, then tension builds leading up to abusive incident happening, followed by guilt and excuses, making up, and then another honeymoon period. This cycle happens over and over and over again. It is easy to get caught up in, and even harder to leave.
After being interviewed by a local news station yesterday about the upcoming film, I decided that I should probably see it…. If anything, so that I could give an informed comment in any follow-up interviews. So I purchased tickets (me personally, not my agency) and invited a co-worker who has also read the books to join me.
I think that the movie theater we went to expected huge crowds. They had a showing of the movie scheduled every half hour from 8pm to midnight. We went to the 10pm showing and there were only 9 people in the theater, not including ourselves. The lobby was eerily quiet.
I half expected a tumbleweed to roll past us.
The movie was bad. The pacing of the plot and the delivery of the dialogue was reminiscent of soft-core porn films on late-night premium cable channels. And if you are going to continue with the soft-core porn comparisons, Fifty Shades of Grey had significantly less time spent watching the couple have sex and much, much better mood lighting. My co-worker and I spent a fair amount of time giggling, as did the rest of the audience. We also kept a tally of how many times the main character Ana seductively bit her lip and how many times the main character Christian had some sort of jealous/angry outburst. The ratio of that was 17 to 6, but I don’t think you can trust my numbers on that. It was dark and my notes look like hen scratch.
In the book you are subjected to the running dialogue of Ana. You are privy to her fears and worries, and you get to see more of her interactions with Christian. That running dialogue, which I found incredibly obnoxious, provided the majority of the context. The movie doesn’t have that dialogue, and so it lays bare the controlling and abusive nature of their relationship. In many ways I felt like I was watching a domestic violence training video illustrating how abuse starts and perpetuates itself. I could go point by point in all that is wrong with the story and the film, but I’m not going to. Rather, I would like to focus on the end of the movie, the final confrontation. In the book, the last meeting in (as Ana describes it) the “red room of pain” is a fairly complicated interaction. Neither of them are in a place emotionally where they can pay attention to the needs of the other. The pair go into the “play room” to enact a scene, however Ana does not use her safe word and is injured. There is a lot of miscommunication if you want to be “mild” about.
The movie does not give this context. What you see is the two of them having a pretty severe argument. Christian says that he wants to hurt Ana; Ana challenging him to do that. He takes her to the play room where he hits her six times. After the second hit she is obviously in pain and crying. Christian is clearly enjoying hitting her. When he is finished she leaves the room in tears saying that she never wants him to touch her again. We see a brief scene of her crying on her bed, with Christian coming in to talk to her and her telling him to leave. The final scene in the film is of Ana- dressed, furious, and still crying- trying to leave the apartment. Christian tries to stop her and Ana very forcibly tells him to stop (which he does). The movie ends with Ana leaving by herself in the elevator.
“Is that it!?!” cried out someone in our theater. It was an abrupt way to end the film, but true to the book. I would like to say that “yes, that was it.” I would like the film to be the ending where Ana very powerfully and permanently leaves her abuser. But there are two more books (and a rumored two more films). She returns to him and stays with him…. Like so many other women in abusive relationships.
As a takeaway, I have several hopes:
1. I hope that the box office turnout is so poor that they decided not to make the other films. I think that people will still read the books, but after seeing the movie, I don’t think people would be able to stomach much more.
2. I hope that the positive and negative press on this franchise will encourage more open dialogue about consent, the importance of communication in relationships, and what abusive relationships really look like.
3. I hope that people can truly embrace the name of this book/movie when forming an opinion on it. Life and relationships are not black and white, there are multiple shades of grey. You cannot dismiss this as just “porn” and therefore all bad, or all good. The fact that a book of erotica has become mainstream is important. Porn culture affects rape culture, and rape culture is all around us. We need to be able to talk about what we see, what we are ok with, and what we are not ok with. We need to change how we view victims and perpetrators….because neither will be all good or all bad.
If you choose to boycott this film, do so.
If you want to donate the money that you would have spent going to this film to a local sexual or domestic violence program, do so.
If you want to watch this film and enjoy it, do so.
Just please….. please think critically about what you are seeing.
Remember, its “complicated”.
This post was written by UCASA staff member, Deborah Dilley, and should not be considered as an official statement from UCASA.
