I’ll Never Be a Lady

In honor of #TBT

Recently, I’ve come to the realization that I’ll never be a lady.

I don’t know if it’s because my legs start to quiver and my back starts to arch when I hear “It’s Cash Money Records taking over for the 99 and 2000” or because I can still recite every lyric on Ja Rule’s Pain is Love cd. But something tells me I’m not cut out to be a lady, and I don’t think I mind.

Something about being a lady translates to “do less” and I’ve never quite grasped that concept. Actually… I’ve grasped the opposite concept of “do the absolute most you’re capable of until you can’t do anymore”, that concept I’ve had down since birth, possibly since I was up chilling with God in Heaven.

There’s just something about being a “lady” that doesn’t sit right with me… possibly because I’m almost positive I don’t fit the description..

la·dy n. pl. la·dies

1. A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior. [I’m considerate…well-mannered.. depending on the situation…I have high standards…proper behavior-meh, questionable..]

2. a. A woman regarded as proper and virtuous. [Oh, I have virtues for daaaaays…we’ll put proper in the questionable category]

b. A well-behaved young girl.[We’ll just put this in the no category]

3. A woman who is the head of a household. [I’m the head, tail, body…of my one bedroom apartment]

4. A woman, especially when spoken of or to in a polite way. [woman, yes, got that part down pact]

5. a. A woman to whom a man is romantically attached. [yes, once again, I got the woman part down pact]

b. Informal A wife. [whelp… can’t spin this one]

6. Lady Chiefly British A general feminine title of nobility and other rank, specifically:

a. Used as the title for the wife or widow of a knight or baronet.

b. Used as a form of address for a marchioness, countess, viscountess, baroness, or baronetess.

c. Used as a form of address for the wife or widow of a baron.

d. Used as a courtesy title for the daughter of a duke, a marquis, or an earl.

e. Used as a courtesy title for the wife of a younger son of a duke or marquis.

[I’m sure I got some nobility in Abiriba]

The definition of a lady is so rigid. It leaves no room for coloring outside the box. And for a word as such to be applied to a gender that comprises such variability, beauty and vibrancy is somewhat [read: very] ridiculous. There is nothing about the female sex that is rigid. From the fullness of our lips, to the curves of our hips, there’s no place for lines to keep us in.

Perhaps it’s one of those words we have “reclaim”. You know… one of those words which people, who are not biologically qualified to create the definition of a word, create a definition of a word that doesn’t pertain to them.

There’s nothing wrong with striving to be a lady… if that’s what you want, if the definition defines the type of person you strive to be. But if it doesn’t…there’s no need to put the pressure on yourself to become that, to become some version of who other people believe you should be.

It’s just that this definition of a lady is not sufficient for me.

Thankfully there is a word that the definition does describe who I am and who I will be.

Sophistiratchet

So·phis·tə·ra·chet (noun,adjective) \sə-ˈfis-tə-ˈra-chət\

1. A woman of highly educated pedigree (academically, socially, and otherwise) and worldly breeding; fluent in various forms of public etiquette yet is equally knowledgeable of the latest strip club songs, updated on most prime-time ratchet cable programs and conversant in the tongue of hoochie mama.

2. A high-class individual who is open to incorporating low-brow tendencies in to her persona for momentary enjoyment.

3. An otherwise brilliant woman but, for some reason, is a Blackberry owner who, at times, is puzzled by touch screen mobile technology.

4. She is a “Vision of Love” and can (Nicki Minaj voice) “raah, raah!” like a “Dungeon Dragon.”

5. She is multilingual, speaking several UN-recognized languages; she is an expert in a tongue that will never be heard at a General Assembly: rachatese.

So join me…memorize the lyrics to Some Type of Way, write a blog on the ramifications of culturally insensitive Halloween costumes, put your hands on your knees and arch your back to back that thang up, and host a dinner party to discuss the latest changes in healthcare reform and how Olivia Pope is a winning sidechick.

You only live once, right?