Uchey Kama
Jul 28, 2017 · 3 min read

You must never behave as if your life belongs to a man. Your life is yours and yours alone- Chimamanda Adichie

Dear Feminist,
I have been thinking about y’all lately and I have been wondering why you choose to follow a clearly flawed message that is obviously causing a lot of problems in your relationship and in your marriage.
Before you crucify me, please hear me out. Eight days ago, I posted an article titled "the right kind of feminist" here on medium. I gave a definition of feminism which I will give again but to understand this post better, please read my article on "the right kind of feminist". Thank you.

According to Wikipedia, "Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies and social movements that share a common goal to define and advance political, economic, personal and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment".

Look at the definition above critically and analytically and compare it to the quote above made by every feminist's role model. You'd realise that that statement and this definition do not have anything in common. Feminism is standing for the rights of women. It's advocating for equality between both sexes. A man is the head of the family. That is a superior position but that doesn't make the woman inferior. If you are in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, please RUN. Your life is more important but in a relationship or a marriage where the man respects the woman, listens to her opinions and seeks her approval when making important decisions, there is no need for any hassle.

Miss Adichie who is married but refuses to bear her husband's name now advices us not to behave as if our lives belong to men. She's an excellent writer, she has numerous awards to her name, she's every writer's definition of success but if her life doesn't belong to a man, why did she get married? You might want to say "that's why she refused to change her name" but let me ask you "what is the use of getting married if you won't change your name or at least acknowledge your husband's name?

And the two shall become one; you leave to cleave. Bearing one name is a symbol of unity, a deed done in the spirit of oneness. At that point, your life doesn't belong to the man, your lives are now intertwined; you both now share one life. You both are now alone in togetherness and whole in companionship.
Beyonce added a clip of Chimamanda's TED talk on "We should all be feminists" in her flawless video/song and in an interview the writer said and I quote that "Beyonce is not my kind of feminist" simply because her song was about a man. In other words, Beyonce doesn't hate men.

There are a million battles that women are fighting; Cancer, physical abuse, single parenting and many other things and what Miss Adichie is teaching you to do is to antagonize a man when millions of women are crying out for help. Why all the negativity towards men? I agree that they are not perfect neither are you but If we can work together, even men can be more active "feminists".
Miss Adichie has her reasons for antagonizing men this much. It's none of my business but please try not to drag yourself into it. Feminism should be aimed at helping the woman become a better person to herself & the society. It should be about fighting for women and their rights. I have had enough of this hate speech against men. I am the right kind of feminist.

#BeTheRightKindOfFeminist

Afterall Who am I and What do I know? I am just a little girl who knows she can change the world.

Yours sincerely,
Uchey Ukaegbu

Uchey Kama

Written by

Christain, Realist, A born writer, music lover, smooth talker,Nigerian, voracious reader, wicked sense of humour and a smile that can make a rainy day bright.

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