Lovelorn

I was completely different person year ago, a mess. A mess boys like and men repeal. Woman with loud lipstick, one in hot pants and always having a messy bun on which makes her look like nothing less than sex machine on halt. I use to crack non-veg jokes all the time, blend myself the way guys wanted, drinking beer like a champ, spending nights at the place of strangers, endless Tinder dates- not that anything is wrong with it, but it was not me. I use to feel lost in that crowd. Conversations usually use to revolve around my erotica blog, my sexual experiences and their sexual experiences despite being uncomfortable I use to talk about it maybe because back then I was a sucker of male attention. I kept doing it, regardless of whatever it was doing to me. It was rotting inside.

“true love is felonious… You take someone’s breath away… You rob them of the ability to utter a single word… You steal a heart.”

― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

And this all ended when I met him for the first time; He was a simple guy. No tattoos, no tee with cool quotes, no ripped jeans or expensive shoes. Just a simple guy who achieved everything in life with hard work. I dressed up all like a hippie — cut hot pants, an extra large top with some trance print all over it, thick eyeliner, bold lipstick and the moment I looked at him, I felt different. Like, why I worked so hard. He would have liked me anyway.

“your hand

touching mine.

this is how

galaxies

collide.”

― Sanober Khan

Our whole conversation revolved around life, countries we have traveled, cultural shocked we faced, an interesting conversation about his life and twist N turns that took place in our lives, and the moment he asked my story, I laughed and changed the topic. This thing never happened with me before, someone so deeply interested in my life, my field of research, my career goals, etc. After a three-hour long date where we discussed everything from long island ice tea to revenue models of three — four companies. I expected him to ask me to come to his place for having sex most probably, but I was wrong.

“I’ve never known before what it feels like to want someone — not to want to hook up with them or whatever, but to want them, to want them. And now I do. So maybe I do believe in epiphanies.”

― John Green, Will Grayson,

It was a rainy day; he dropped me back to my house. Usually, I use to kiss people goodbye to looking casual about the date, but for the first time, I kissed someone goodbye with a hope of seeing him again. After few dates, few drunk confessions, a little drama and exposing our weaknesses to each other we got into a relationship. It was super quick but adventurous.

Over the months he groomed me in his very own way. He made me realize strong women isn’t someone with financial independence or one who wears whatever she wants, do heavy makeup — strong women is one who understands sisterhood, one who cherishes her existence and knows real revolution starts from within.

We build amazing memories over time. More than monkey sex we created an amazing chemistry over months where we tried to understand what we want out of each other and with each other. We realized that as much as we crave for each other because we need our share of privacy. It is okay to share passwords, but we can snatch phone’s from each other’s hands if it gets uncomfortable.

“Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren’t even there before.”

― Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook

I realized that the past would come back now and then, you have to ignore it because it is not much you can do about it. You can either let it ruin you or forget it and kickstart new journey. Space is a crucial part of the relationship because you have to let them have personal space with their friends now and then on the other side it is okay to have small vacations together alone now and then. Also, it is okay if you are not getting acceptance from your partner’s friends. Everything takes time, probably after a point, they will realize that you are right for them and if you are not good for your partner, you won’t last long.

He made me the woman I always wanted to be. It sounds super cliche and Feminazis are going to rant. But I realized that women need men just the way men need women. We exist to complete each other. But of all the things that made me fall in love with him, his respect and passion for his work, his will to balance personal and public life and hopeless love for people around him made me love him more than ever.

“You will manage to keep a woman in love with you, only for as long as you can keep her in love with the person she becomes when she is with you.”

― C. JoyBell C.

I remember when I stepped at Bangalore airport for the first time for my internship with a wish to come back as a comepletedly different person. He made my dream come true.

“Falling in love is easy. Falling in love with the same person repeatedly is extraordinary.”

― Crystal Woods, Write like no one is reading