So There I Was

What follows the statement “So there I was” will either be incredibly dull or the most interesting thing you’ve ever heard that person say. Unfortunately, the odds favor the first option — we aren’t all cut out to be interesting after all. Just remember, the key to being interesting is to embellish and exaggerate heavily, as often as possible so people can’t tell what’s out of the norm. In order to help you on your way out of the realm of boredom and onto the highway of double takes, I offer these humble starter phrases:

“So there I was…”

…chin deep in…

…two dead Siamese twins behind me and an ambidextrous knife-wielding midget ahead…

…with the communists just over the ridge…

…C-list celebrities dropping like flies…

…strippers clawing their way through the bathroom door…

…in the cubicle that was slowly sucking out my soul…

…and heaven help me, I heard what the fox said…

…lying with every word that followed…

…wait, never mind. It’s not that interesting anyways.