The Rise of The Childfree Movement/Lifestyle: My Two Cents
If you have been on social media at all , you will see a rise of women and men speaking boldly about not wanting children. We have not seen anything like this before. I’m sure there have been people since the beginning of time that chose to be childfree , but because of social media that idea is finding its way into the mainstream.
A childfree person is someone who has decided they do not want children. Childless, on the other hand, are people who are considering children , but do not have them yet or people who are not able to have children , but wish that they could.
It’s also important to note there is there is a childfree movement and the childfree lifestyle. The childfree movement comprise of people who seek to convince people to question their motives behind wanting kids. They want to encourage others to consider things such as: mental health , finances , desires and more, before having children and they discuss their benefits of living without children.
There are 2 major subgroups with the child free movement:
- Antinatalists: a person who believes it is immoral to bring children into this world. There are more extreme antinatalists who push for government intervention to stop further procreation by means of forced sterilization. And there are other antinatalists who don’t want any kind of forced sterilization, but do continue with the stance that having kids is immoral and they try to convince people by means of speaking engagements, videos , flyers, etc. I am personally okay with people sharing why they believe having kids is immoral, that is their opinion and people should be allowed to share their opinions, but I am not okay with the government forcing sterilization on anyone’s body.
- Then we have the childfree movement which comprise of members who aren’t necessarily morally against having kids, they just want to convince people about their benefits of not having kids. They may or may not have moral arguments , but they are interested in convincing others.
Then you have the childfree lifestyle. These are people who are just actively living out their childfree lifestyle. They may or may not be part of any movement. They may or may not convince you of anything, but they are just living out their childfree life unapologetically.
As this conversation around being childfree by choice grows , the disagreement grows as well. A huge part of the contenders of the child free lifestyle is the notion around selfishness. “Oh you’re selfish for not wanting kids”. The thing about selfishness is that both sides have selfish reasons.
For example when you speak to people who want kids or have kids they say stuff like:
“I want someone to take care of me when I’m older” or “who will take care of you when you get old?”
“If I have a few children , at least one of them will be successful to take us out of poverty” or “who’s going to carry your legacy?”
“Having a child will spice things up in our relationship , it’s getting boring” or “how will you and your husband/wife bond without children”
“I just want little Minnie mes running around the house”
“A baby may just save our marriage”
“We need good people to save this world from the evil that’s in it”
“If I have kids , people will stop mocking me”
“I need someone to show me unconditional love”
The list go’s on and on, but these are all selfish reasons to have children.
There are also selfless reasons why one may want to have kids. There are good people who genuinely want to raise good humans. They have taken themselves out of the equation and have taken up a true calling to bring kids into this world , having a plan to try and give them as much as a decent life as possible and set their next generation up for success. I know people who felt a natural desire to have children. It was something in them and they prepared for it. They went into it expecting nothing back and would be grateful if their kids blessed them back but didn’t have their heart set around what their kid could do or fix for them. it wasn’t a forced feeling from society or just jumping on a bandwagon or living on a whim, it was a natural God given desire and not everyone who has kids has that or seeks if that is a part of their purpose.
On the childfree side you hear:
“Well I don’t want kids because I want to keep all my money to myself”
“Kids will make my body weird”
“Kids will stop my plans of traveling the world”
“Kids will hinder me from my plans of making lots of money”
“Kids will take away the little peace I do have”
“I do not want kids because they will take up space in my home and I do not want to be disturbed”
There are also childfree people who also have selfless reasons for not wanting kids. They are worried about bringing up their children in a world that is becoming less moral and more dangerous. They are concerned about global warming , they are concerned about them measuring up as a parent because it takes a lot to be a good parent. They are concerned about raising a human who may suffer profoundly in this system. No one is perfect, but kids are not some toys or accessories , they are human beings who will grow up and choose what path to take and its wrong to set them up for failure if one is not somewhat ready to have kids or ready to have them selflessly. Some people have struggles whether it be financially, emotionally, mentally or even certain physical ailments that they understand would not be very wise to bring a child into. Some people are genuinely concerned for the next generation and what kind of world they are entering into.
The truth is, It is no one’s business whether a responsible adult wants to have kids or not. I say responsible because although you cannot change anyone’s opinion directly, it’s still worth to tell someone you know and love if the life they are living right now is not feasible to bring a child into, if you know someone personally who is considering kids. Both sides have selfish reasons and both have unselfish reasons. There have been some disgust and vitriol towards people who do not want kids, but If you have joy with the decisions that you have made in life with bringing children into this world, you would not be mad at someone else’s decision to not bring them into the world. Also, people who have children who are good parents should not be shamed for having kids and doing their best.
There is also more stigma on women coming out as childfree versus the childfree men. If you really dig deep, there is a whole movement of men wanting to go childfree , but they do not get as much backlash as the women.
I will say this though, be very careful before bringing another human into this world. Having a child requires you to be there for them emotionally , financially, spiritually, and mentally. Children are a luxury and a special gift , not in the toy sense, but in a divine and heavenly sense. When you bring them here, you have decided to take a task that is beyond you, that is why having them selfishly is not a good idea because anything can happen to the dynamic of your life , or your relationship with your significant other, and you have to ask yourself “should things go not as planned, will I still do my best to be a good parent and try to get back on track ? And will I still have joy having this human in my life?”
I also want to say that in my opinion, if you plan on never wanting kids, It would be in your best interest to stay celibate or marry a person who is also childfree. I am not saying this just because I am a believer in Christ; but because , intelligently speaking , you do not want to risk having unwanted children, you also don’t want unwanted energy from other people you are messing around with just for fun; and if you and your childfree spouse end up changing your mind or do get pregnant unexpected, at least you would have a chance of having a child with one person who is not a random fling.
Cheers to the people who know themselves and are great parents and cheers to the people who know themselves and know that being a parent is not for them. It is the weirdest thing to suggest someone have kids who does not want them. When people do this, it makes me wonder if they actually do care about children, because we don’t need people having them who don’t want them. Sometimes I wonder is critical thinking is still a thing anymore.
