“I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you.”
Sometimes I just want to go out and be without you. Actually most nights I want to go out and be without you, and that’s not right, right? Not so much that I want to be with someone else, just that I want to be by myself. I need to know how I feel when I’m alone again.
Otherwise, who am I if not who I am when I’m with you. I’m so exhausted. Putting on a face in front of the people that you love, but when it comes time to recipropcate, it takes you everything. And even after everything you still have nothing to give, nothing to offer. Just a fake happiness, which I get. A fake appreciation and a fake belonging. A fake love.
Sometimes I just wish you could pretend a little better, not for my loved ones, but for me. Otherwise one day I will send you back- not for me, I don’t say that to be strict or unkind. I say this because I don’t want you to have to pretend to be happy for me.