St. Louis Game of Thrones : Which St. Louis Mayoral Candidates Match Characters From the Show?

By Umar Lee @penofUmar

I have been binging on Game of Thrones over the last few days in preparation for the premier of season six. The end of the reign of Mayor Francis Slay is like the end of the reign of King Robert Baratheon. Ned Stark stated the reign of King Robert was one of “seventeen good years”. Mayor Slay, first of his name, will have served sixteen years at the end of his reign. So, let’s take a look at who in St. Louis matches characters from the show.

Background Players

Mayor Francis Slay = King Robert Baratheon. Why? As stated above. His departure will open the gates of hell to a never-ending Game of Thrones leaving all parties in a perpetual state of warfare in an unadulterated lust for power.

Richard Callow = Lord Varys. These two men share much in common. Both are masters of whisperers who have little birds singing to them. Neither is a native in the land which they yield power. Both do their work behind the scenes and little is known about them. Love them or hate them you don’t wanna be on their bad side.

Patrick Brown = Ser Davos Seaworth. The Onion Knight came from nothing and made his bones by being a loyal servant giving wise-counsel to King Stannis. Ser Davos has watched his son die in service to Stannis and now is dealing with both the death of Stannis and Jon Snow. Davos is in a cold place both physically and mentally. Sounds like Patrick Brown. Instead of at The Wall with a fire priestess Brown is sulking in a bar in The Grove pondering his future now that the king he has faithfully served is soon to be gone.

Mary Ellen Ponder = Lady Melisandre. Melisandre saw the vision of a Stannis victory at Winterfell in the flames. Mary Ellen saw the victory of Mayor Slay in 2017. While the army of Stannis was shred to bits by a bastard’s raiders on horseback Mayor Slay took a beating in a favorability poll. Like Melisandre was happy after Stannis defeated the wildling army of Mance Rayder Mary Ellen was overjoyed at the NGA victory only to quickly have her joy snatched. Just as Melisandre now sulks and plots at The Wall with Ser Davos Mary Ellen sits at the Handlebar with Patrick Brown questioning why we are all here.

Paul McKee = Cersei Lannister. Queen Cersei doesn’t care what little people she has to step over or displace in order to achieve her ambitions. Cersei observed “peasants belong in the field” in season two. McKee has a similar lust for power and seeks to create his own version of Kings Landing in North St. Louis. In McKee’s city peasants will be remanded to the fields of North County. Like Cersei McKee depends on entrenched families and those whose loyalties he’s purchased to pursue his objectives.

Rex Sinquefield = the Iron Bank of Bravos. Both know no matter who is in power they’re gonna hoe to get that money.

The Candidates

Tishaura Jones = Daenerys Targaryen. The Mother of Aden has a lot in common with the Mother of Dragons. While I’m quite sure Tishaura isn’t immune to fire and Virvus didn’t marry her off in exchange for an army on horseback Tishaura does come from a political family. Like Daenerys Targaryen Tishaura inherits a lot of wisdom, love, and baggage and the future is in her hands and from the time they were both young their names were discussed as leaders in the halls of power.

Antonio French = Oberyn Martell. House Martell is located in an exotic and warm location known for beautiful people and fierce warriors. House French is located in the 21st Ward of St. Louis known for the lovely O’Fallon Park and the ferocity of the shooters from the 44 Bud and College Hill dealers fighting over the heroin trade. Both man cast their lot with those in high places. A series of events led to Martell’s head being exploded by the Mountain. French, despite anger over his agressive support of Hillary Clinton still has his head intact, however I hear Mitzi Hoffman has a ferocious grip.

Jamilah Nasheed = Roose Bolton. Born with a lot of disadvantages and coming from nothing both scrapped to get where they are today. Loyal to some, splitting with others, cutting deals when they had to, and never being afraid to take drastic measures to achieve their objective.

Lewis Reed = Theon Greyjoy. Theon was raised as a ward of Winterfell after his father’s forces were defeated by Ned Stark and House Baratheon. Reed came to St. Louis after a personal exile from the frigid shores of Lake Michigan. Both men have maneuvered for power in the past and failed. While I believe Mr. Reed still has a penis he does share a problematic history with women along with Theon.

Darlene Green = Maester Luwin. Maester Luwin served as a Maester of Winterfell for many years giving wise advice and service to the people of the North. Darlene Green has been comptroller since AOL was cutting edge. In the background and quiet others have heeded her counsel.

Jennifer Florida = Olenna Tyrell. Olenna Tyrrell is a wise voice and force behind the scenes. If you don’t believe Olenna is a force just ask the late King Joffrey. Oh wait he had an unfortunate ending to his wedding party. Jennifer Florida toiled in the halls of the St. Louis Board of Alderman trying to wade through its dysfunction while being verbally attacked as a “bitch” by the misogynistic staff of a former mayoral candidate. Olenna became the defacto leader of House Tyrell having to turn it around thanks to her cuckold husband. Florida had to try and turn around a city office which had been run with the efficiency of a Soviet employment agency.

Greg FX Daly = Stannis Baratheon. Stannis had one basic argument with regards to his claim to the throne and it came down to it being his turn. Daly has the same argument. No one can tell you why Daly should be mayor or what he stands for but he sure has a lot of cash and its been determined over a south side Stag and pork grind party that Daly is next in line. Duty led Stannis and duty led to some noble things such as Stannis defeating the army of wildlings. Loyalty also led to Stannis burning his daughter alive. There are no armies from the north to defeat in St. Louis. We do have much to set on fire.

Lyda Krewson = Margaery Tyrell. Margaery and Lyda both come from areas of great wealth. While Margaery was raised around the perfume lords and landowners in service to House Tyrell Lyda resides in the plush Central West End where wealthy merchants of toasted ravioli fame occupy mansions overlooking Forest Park. Margaery sought to be Queen and in that pursuit married three kings finally consummating with the last. Lyda married the bearded king of KSDK news.

Steve Conway = Viserys Targaryen. Viserys is the son of the “mad king”. After the success of Robert’s Rebellion Viserys was denied the throne and forced to live a life in exile. While Conway hadn’t been forced into exile he has lived in his father’s shadow. Viserys never truly had dragon blood he constantly sought to be king until some Dothraki dudes gave him a different crown. There are many who suspect Conway doesn’t have the dragon blood of his father and yet he still seeks the throne.

Sam Dotson = Grand Maester Pycelle. While sitting on the Small Council and supposedly serving the realm Pycelle was in fact only serving the interests of Tywin Lannister. Now that Tyrion put an arrow through his dad’s torso Pycelle is at a loss. While Sam Dotson was plucked from the leadership of the ranks of the St. Louis Police over many more popular candidates many would argue he was selected for his loyalty and service to one man. Now that the man who Dotson has faithfully served is stepping down many suspect Dotson will soon resign and undergo a public-image change befitting of a Jenner or Kardashian.

Travis Sheridan = Jon Snow. Jon Snow never knew his mother. Travis Sheridan never knew his father. Snow found peace in Winterfell and later the “cold brutal beauty” of The Wall. Sheridan has found piece in Old North St. Louis which as a former resident I can tell you is almost as desolate as The Wall only made bearable by the warmth of neighbors. Despite no real qualifications people around Jon Snow believe in him as a natural leader and they put their trust in him much like Americans did Barack Obama in 2008 and Snow successfully defended The Wall .

Sheridan inspires the same type of devotion to flocks of anorexic looking techie hipsters cycling into his Boozstorming events. No vow of celibacy needed to roll with Sheridan.

Scott Ogilvie = Jaime Lannister. This may seem odd at first. The Kingslayer is one of the most feared warriors in the Seven Kingdoms and a handsome fellow. Ogilve is not a man for physical combat and bears a striking resemblance to medieval depictions of Satan in art. However, if we dig deeper we see these are men who live close to power who may plunge the sword into a leader if personal ambition coincides with what they feel is best for the realm.

Megan-Ellyia Green = Arya Stark. Arya came from the vast coldness of the North. Megan was raised in the cold ass Catskills. Both are far from their homelands and yet still deeply involved in the struggle for power which in their hearts is inspired by a motive to do good. Arya has a kill list and the names on it are dropping like flies. Megan has a shit-list that includes those who think of her as a “skank” and “alderbitch”.

Bruce Franks Jr = Bran Stark. Exiled from Winterfell and led by the visions of a three-eyed raven Bran has been led north of The Wall in search of the knowledge of how to use his superpowers. Bruce Franks is a Superhero recruiting a generation of superheros.

Chris Sommers = Sansa Stark. Sansa was born and raised in the castle of Winterfell. Sommers lives in a castle overlooking Forest Park. Sansa has had to travel all over the Seven Kingdoms to stay alive. Sommers has had to extend his empire to Maryland, Cincinnati and Florida on order to maintain his pizza kingdom.

Jeff Smith = Ser Jorah Mormont. Ser Jorah is a bright and capable guy with a love of justice and lustifies over the Mother of Dragons. Unfortunately, Jorah had to flee his homeland after getting jammed up with the law over selling poachers to slave-traders. Jeff had to leave the Missouri State Senate after getting locked up over some campaign mess; but he yearns to return to his homeland.

Martin Casas= Lord Petyr Baelish. Better known as Littlefinger Baelish is a man who grew-up far from Kings Landing to a poor house and scrapped his way to power by providing needed services to all the right people and manipulating their rise and demise from behind the scenes. Sounds a lot like Martin Casas when you think of it which has me asking is the California-native a secret writer for Game of Thrones?

Jennifer Joyce = The Faith Militant. The Faith Militant has sought to purify King’s Landing by leading a revolution based on morality, equality and the rule of law. Jennifer Joyce has sought to purify St. Louis by prosecuting a lot of low-level drug offenders, unemployed dudes who owe child-support and felons needing guns to protect their lives in a dangerous city while those going overboard enforcing the law are given a pass. No word when the Faith Militant in St. Louis will get around to locking up junkies in The Grove and Ballpark Village.