Welcoming 2023
Never thought 2022 would be this emotionally draining. Went to many places, met various new people, switched job roles in a blink of eye. I’ve never felt this mixture of intense feelings…perhaps since my son was born. However, I’m glad that through the roller coaster of emotions, I was able to peel off my true self and discover the long gone passion of mine. I’m glad that for the first time since I settled down — got married and had kid — I can have my own dream again. Not my husband’s, not my son’s, not my family’s… my very own personal purpose.
For the past five years, I’ve been living my life for the sake of my family. Just as society expected from a wife and a mother: “sacrificing” herself to prioritize her family. I relocated from Jakarta to Semarang-Jogja, I stopped setting goals for my professional development, I didn’t upgrade my work-related skills. Well, it’s not really a ‘sacrifice’ though because no one has forced me — not even my husband. It’s all voluntary; having my own family had been my dream since forever. However, I didn’t realize that the path I took came with significant trade-off. Little did I knew that five years after my wedding day, I’ll find myself as a mediocre employee at the bottom of corporate ladder, left behind my accomplished peers, stuck in a job with no passion.
Obviously I didn’t regret getting married and having kid. It’s the best thing happened in my life. It changed me for much better person. It boosted my emotional maturity and interpersonal skill. I just… blamed myself for giving up too early on my career. Having a family doesn’t mean you stop growing professionally. It just means you need to work harder and smarter to keep both causes at balance. I was too naïve and might be too lazy to challenge myself.
Ever heard about ‘Law of Attraction’? That if you truly want something and keep visualizing it in your head… Universe will get your ‘signal’ and grant it to you. So simple yet so powerful. I was a fan of this theory and had been doing it since college days. Scholarship, studying abroad, jobs, lots of competitions, organizations, even side businesses. I was an ambitious (and annoying) young girl aimed for achievements.
But those dreams did come true. Even the more personal wishes like boyfriend, marriage and child. I set a time frame of age to achieve those goals, and believe me it really manifested. I got my first job in 22, studied abroad with scholarship in 24, got another job in 26, got married in 27, had a kid in 28. Everything fell into the right places (and time) just according to my plan.
It was amazing what ‘Law of Attraction’ did to my life…but honestly after having my son, I stopped dreaming. I didn’t plan my life goals as I used to. I let everything flow…Because I realized that I’m not alone anymore. More or less, my family owned a part of me. Most importantly, I thought I have reached my biggest dream: having a son. I won’t care about any other things as long as I can keep my son healthy and happy.
But people change. Me too. Apparently the 2022 turmoil left significant scars in my heart, strong enough to change my mind and even what I want. I no longer pursue the peaceful small city life together with my family. Deep inside my soul, the flame is still burning. I couldn’t ignore my own passion. I couldn’t belittle my bursting energy to perform better in the field that I love. I can no longer tolerate working something I don’t like, just for the sake of ‘comfort zone’.
In 2023, I’m taking a big leap of faith.
My husband and I had our conversation about it. He knew how devastated I was about my career state. He’s also in the middle of pursuing another goal…which I really support as well. We both have been very relaxed about our professional development for the past five years, mostly because we want to be committed parents for Rayhan. Now that he just turned to be smart and healthy 4-years-old toddler, we knew we’ve done our homework well. Perhaps it’s time to put a little bit more effort to our own selves, obviously without neglecting our kid’s emotional needs.
All in all, I finally wrote my goals for 2023 few weeks ago. I visualize them a lot. I whisper them in my prayers. I believe the ‘Law of Attraction’ will work again. Whatever is going to happen, I won’t regret it. Because I’ve taken my decision, and it’s already a win for me.
Read the Indonesian version here.