The Year of Realizing Things

Ummé Azmi
Jul 27, 2017 · 3 min read

It’s been two whole years since I’ve touched or felt anything close to what I call ‘home’. The slums and urban sites of my home country, the pulsation of dirty sand in my palms, the rusty breeze of Karachi. The palm trees in my balcony and the scorching heat in summer.

But nothing compares to the taste of Pakistanis in Pakistan than ‘Pakis’ in America. Society in America runs on gossip and judgement, we dream of heavens but live for hell. Our souls are getting darker and our outer complexions are getting ten times lighter. Irony is that all religions make you want to bring others down but what if everyone is horrible on their own?

Much of what our desi’s progressed so far in is grabbing capitalism by the balls. Friendships were purely made out of boredom and accompany, but friendships in America are based on one factor that gives you significance i.e., MONEY. You cannot fully suspect that friendships come without strings or even relationships for that matter. Everything is just survival of the desi-est and you will not be appreciated if you don’t swipe another one.

Gossips and rumors are one example of the decline in us Muslims, another one is COMPETITION. It could be any competition, be it finding the best husband for your child bride or preparing your child bride by getting her married after spending so much money on her doctorate degree, to which its value is unknown to all these families. All they think about is greatness given to children on the basis of what other people think is great.

Cheating, lying and blaming is another good example of how the society lives here; You cannot feel true to yourself or others because of our survival of the fittest bullshit. We’re all lying and building walls because we are afraid to get hurt or god forbid give the best harvest to someone else. We lie and blame other people just like I am doing right now because it’s not culturally okay for us to tell people how we feel.

Respect. I did not realize that respect was to be earned until I came here. You can buy 400 mansions, build a name for yourself in your tiny precious community that you think is the end of the world but (there’s so much more), but you can never have the same respect amongst other peoples’ eyes if you do not set a good example for yourself.

Productivity. Guess which businesses are booming right now? Makeup and Social Media Apps. I have not come across one single soul that reads books and likes to visit museums and all those hipster things I used to love doing in Pakistan. Much respect given to everybody’s life and interests, but should one be concerned that this type of fun genre is quite POPULAR? What happened to reading books, comics and riding a bicycle in summer? Nobody knew who John Travolta was in my class? ARE YOU F- KIDDING ME?

Solitude. I’ve learned to grow accustomed to having someone to talk to or not because if you do things alone, you’re a loner. If you like going in the nature, you’re a loner. If you like watching Christopher Nolan movies and review them, you’re a loner. If you like listening to the Beatles and not ghetto music, LONER.

NOSY. Gossip containers called desi aunties like to live on suspense because they consume so much bullshit from dramas. I hate interactions with such pleasant and respectful deities. You cannot enjoy one moment of brief existence which comes to me very rarely without having to answer to somebody even if that happiness is ‘halal’. And when you do find a voice and learn to grow more independently, you’re labelled as ‘azaad khayal’, ‘modern’, ‘selfish’ ,‘entitled’ ,‘spoilt’.

Sexism. I’m not even going to say anything because if I waste my entire time listing down all the atrocities committed in the name of Islam for women in our society, it’s going to be a long night.

Mangoes. Basically food tastes as bland as people. Someone mail me faalsay right now?

Ummé Azmi

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Anxiety defines my existence. Spiritualism