Message in Disguise
She felt something, and said, “I think I am becoming dependent on you. That shouldn't be there. I feel I am running to you most often. Time's never right. Intruding in someone's life is the last thing I would do. The wall will always be there, I can't jump it and come out. There are rules on how to talk, how to behave, and how not to bother. they're just there.”
I smiled as it was obviously not true. She was troubled by her own thoughts and we tend to think that we are troubled by our actions, not by thought, at times like this. I don’t believe any action is impure, there can be impure thoughts behind it.
So I wanted to tell her, that, “You opened your thoughts to me, it was something that was in your mind, so you said it. It is nothing more than that. You are not depending on me neither can you.
We live in uncertainties, one might die, someone’s life can take a turn, the thing you wanted to do yesterday may not be what you want to do today. Still we share our thoughts, our intentions, because that’s what relates us to one another, helps us in knowing each other. If something is crucial, it will be done, with whom we will do it is just a feeling that makes us human.”
But she had already left, holding onto the feeling untrue or moved on from this thought to another thinking that what she thought was right. I wanted to differ, wanted to let her know what ‘this’ means for me — this ‘something’ where there are no rules on how to be, what to say, a space of freedom without expectations. It has given me moments like being with you in that cinema hall, watching you sway intoxicated, looking at you (once) while you slept. Can this ever be possible without that freedom? If you look back, do you remember your thoughts about being dependent on me or doing things together?
I needed a medium, so I found a medium in medium.com. But is the medium fluid enough to bring to her some emotions along with a message? We have to see.