As the world’s most forgetful person, I almost never remembered that my period was about to start or had already started, and there I’d be, at school or at work with hours to go, stuffing toilet paper in my underpants, having used my emergency tampon months ago. Of course a person who can’t remember to pack a tampon also never has a dollar for the machine in the bathroom, either. This is not a problem that a Diva cup would solve. The thing that did work for me was getting an implant: no periods, no running out to the all-night pharmacy at 3am, no coming to the disappointing realisation that in rural Thailand, your only options are to go back to Bangkok and find a Boots or to buy dubious pads in the public market, no ruined underwear. I have no idea why I didn’t do this at age 12 and why more women don’t take it up.