Video Gamer vs. Non-Gamer
Recently, I came across a question that I thought was unique to my wife and I. I enjoy playing video games whereas she does not. The question was posed by someone asking, “What should I do if I don’t like it when my boyfriend plays video games”?
The person asking the question feels that playing video games is a waste of time. She further states that she wants to tell him to stop in a way that doesn’t sound controlling. In addition she remarks that she doesn’t want to change him and that he doesn’t play often.
The first thing I say to this is who are you fooling? You do want to change him if you are asking someone to give up on something. The question has value to you and you’re asking it for a reason. You feel it is a valid question that needs to be asked. Unfortunately when you ask a gamer you will not hear the answer you are looking for.
The best advice I can say to this person is to find a balance between the two of you. Allow your boyfriend to play at certain times during the week. For example, allow your boyfriend to play either Friday or Saturday night (these are usually active nights for gamers) but not both nights. During the week allow him to play a few hours on set days preferable at a time that the two of you normally are not together.
My wife and I never really discussed this while dating. I don’t know if she really realized how much of a gamer I was. I know I mentioned it to her because while dating she bought me a Play Station 4. I think that she missed the fact that when I wasn’t with her or working, then I was typically playing video games.
I mention this because the mystery person asking the question mentioned that her boyfriend doesn’t play very often. I would find out if he is limiting the amount of time he is playing in front of you or not. He could be like me back in the day and playing way more than you think when the two of you are not together.
The hardest part to get a non-gamer to understand is how gaming today really isn’t a waste of time. Let’s compare it to a book of fiction. Why read a book on fiction? It’s a waste of time. You are not going to learn from it unless you stumble across a word you never read before and go and look it up in a dictionary.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am only using this as a point. I love to read. The point I am trying to get across is that we when read, just like when we play a video game, we are escaping into a different reality. It allows us to safely take on the role of the main character or any other character within the story. We the reader/gamer become someone different for a short time and just for a brief time we forget about the worries of our everyday lives.
In today’s world a gamer can also stream his gameplay online. There are platforms out there that allow streaming and even the two big gaming consoles allow streaming from the system themselves. If the boyfriend was dedicated enough this can become a form of income. I wouldn’t get my hopes up because it takes a lot of work and time for this to become a full time career. I am just saying that possibility to make some money is available.
Let me share how things went with my wife and I. While we were dating the amount of gaming time remained at an all time high. Once we got married, that is when my wife finally came to the realization of exactly how often I played. Slowly the amount of my gaming time decreased. In an effort to find a way to play more often I tried finding games we both could play. It was a bandage to a bigger problem.
The games she liked playing were nowhere close to what I enjoyed. She wouldn’t play anything online and most of the games I played were all about online content. We resorted to the Wii and I found that at first it was fun because we were on level playing grounds. In time I would improve my skills as would she but not as much as I did. That meant I would win more often (unless I threw a game to keep her playing) and the fun factor for me dropped. Slowly we stopped playing games together. Add in the fact that I now have two children and naturally the gaming time drops again.
In conclusion I find that I really gave up something that made me very happy for someone who made me happier. Ideally if I had the opportunity I would still be playing my video games more often. Adult life and responsibilities just don’t allow for that. The one thing that worked out the best for the two of us was a trade off. Once a week I was allowed to play video games late into the night while she takes care of our children. In return one day or night each week she is allowed to go out and do something for herself as I watch and care for the children.
To the mysterious question asker I think that taking away something that brings joy to your boyfriend isn’t fair. The two of you really should have a discussion about it and find some common ground. If the time he is spending on gaming is interrupting the time you two spend together then you definitely have a valid point. Talk and find a balance that works for both of you.
