SERIOUSLY, WHY THE F**K DO I EVEN BOTHER?

Gotdammit — what the hell is going on?

I’m currently at a watering hole in Montrose, sipping on some kind of tropical saison, trying to figure out what the hell am I doing? I’ve been in Montrose since last February — and shit still ain’t working out!

My living arrangements are currently bonkers. I’m living in one of the assisted group homes for men one of my old friends runs. The house is currently running over with guys of various ages who can’t completely take care of themselves, so I guess I fit right in. I’m currently out on the couch, often waking up real early to give these guys their meds. I briefly shared a room with a guy who kept saying things like, “Oh lordy, Miss Clourdy!” and “If it’s not one thing, it’s six!”

There are several things I’ve learned while living with these guys. For starters, old men give zero fucks. Once they get past a certain age, men just go ahead and do whatever the hell they wanna do, and don’t care if you like it or not. One old dude was cursed out by a handler about feeding food to my friend’s dogs, since they end up vomiting. The fogy’s response: “Well, don’t have them around me then?” Like I said, zero fucks.

One of these days, I’ll hopefully pitch a sitcom idea to a network about a middle-aged guy living with a bunch of old men. It’ll certainly be more sanitized than how I’m currently living, because I’ve seen some shit — figuratively and literally — that probably wouldn’t fly on the airwaves. In living with these guys, I’ve learned why there was never a male counterpart to The Golden Girls — because that shit would be sad and bitter and depressing.

As for finding work, that’s gotten even more depressing. I’ve tried to hit the Chronicle for work, but that hit a dead end. I’ve approached magazines in town about freelance, but they mostly want articles about upscale, posh, luxurious stuff. MAN, I’M LIVING WITH OLD PEOPLE IN SUNNYSIDE! WHAT THE HELL I KNOW ABOUT THAT?! I’ve applied with jobs and sent out my resume (shout-out to Adrienne Johnson Martin for helping me out on that) to everyplace I can — and, as of this writing, nothing.

I’ve basically learned that no matter where I live, shit ain’t gonna go in my favor. I’m finding it hard to be optimistic while living in my hometown, especially since there is a very good chance I could go to prison over some bullshit around here. (I got pulled over not too long ago late one night. The cops kept me waiting for a very long time while checking out my history back in the squad car. I guess they were waiting for me to get out of the car and give them a reason to use excessive force.)

I’m thinking about giving my town until the end of the summer and, if nothing turns up for me, I might have to go on the road again, because this shit is infuriating. I will say it’s nice finally living in a place where people (particularly people of color) are just as broke as I am. I mean, people are scraping by around here. You should see them at Subway, trying to finagle their way into getting a very cheap sandwich.

Excuse me for ranting, but I just needed to vent for a moment. As someone who spends his days trying to figure out what the fuck to do with his time, whether it’s going online and finding work or just writing to see if that’s still an occupation worth pursuing, I needed to find out if this shit is still registering with people. I mean, I don’t know what the hell I gotta do to have y’all reading this stuff. I mean, do I gotta be a complete crank and talk about Trump all the damn time, or should I go into fanboy mode and break down why Marvel movies are better than DC movies, or vice-versa. Do I need to Facebook Live more? I truly need pointers on how to get my brand up.

Anyway, if you wanna help out a dude with donations — because bill collectors still keep calling me — here’s my PayPal page.