The Love of my Life Part 2
After splitting with her we had our birthdays to go thru. I knew she would at least text me happy birthday. She didn’t. I was broke into millions of pieces because that’s just what you do for someone who’s a friend. Come to find out that she didn’t send it to me because I needed time to get over her and a message from her could have messed up my brain. It was messed up already and I really needed that but I moved on hurt more than ever.
As usual with us, if we say we need some time to get over each other in reality it was usually less than a week and we were texting and meeting up. During that time, I tried to be a supporter for 4 separate guys. She was looking to me for advice on guys that I didn’t want near her. I wanted her all for myself. After her second guy my jealously came out and i had potentially ruined our friendship. I called her all sorts of names and insinuated tons more for things I couldn’t get her to even think about doing with me. She marched out like she should have and didn’t speak to me for a while (couple of days). P, I am sorry for being like that and you deserved better. I hope you understand were my head was but regardless I will never do that again to you.
She had talked with a couple of other guys and one she was really into and had been into him for the longest time. Personal matters got into the way for him and left her completely heartbroken. I tried to help pick her up and make her solid again. I had been talking with a couple of people about my situation and they said that it doesn’t appear you can be her friend and not get too attached. I had decided that I was going to tell her that I couldn’t be there anymore. I still loved her and that we had to make a clean break for good.
That night we had a couple of conversations. In one of our phone conversations we talked about us and she asked if I needed to get married right away. I never had a time table for it. I would love to marry her and put the big ring on her finger and be able to say she is mine and no one will disrespect her again. I didn’t say that but I certainly thought that. She said if I wanted to we could try one last time. We sat down and laid out some ground rules, this is it. No more chances, no more putting my heart back together from her breaking it. I told her that I had made the decision before this call that we were done until she brought up getting back together. It went very quiet on her end. She asked if I was serious. I said I had to be. We decided that I would try and start learning how to be the dom she needs to have. It’s still a beginning for me but it’s still a start. I think I’m going to ask if she wants to have rope nights every other week opposite of cooking for work nights. Around the first of August we were back together and I couldn’t be happier. I think she was happy too.
We started off the newest version of the relationship going right into a RF concert with D+S along with her bestie H. I hadn’t been back to our outdoor arena in 20+ years so it was weird to see how it all had changed but not really. It was hella hot and some dumbass couldn’t get his phone to bring up his digital ticket so he had to walk around the facility to get his will call ticket. Once the sun went down, it was a time to remember. Watching P seeing her favorite bands live was something to take in. There was a glow. There was passion. There was happiness. She was giddy with delight until one of her acquaintance’s decided to ruin it for all of us. We moved past that and on to better times. I will always be front and center with my girl when her favorite bands play somewhere close.
Since the concert, we had fishy friends for a couple of days. We had a huge rainout for HH at the state fair on our anniversary. That just meant we got to go back to the apt and have some cuddle time and fun. There wasn’t any kicking of my head involved but there was awkwardness and the usual do I even know what I’m doing down here. The gods were not with us that night and shit blew up on her home front and she had to skip staying with me and going home for the night.
I don’t want to say it but I don’t feel as strong in our relationship currently because “us” isn’t at the forefront of daily discussions. I’ve had to grow a little so that she can do the best she possibly can in school while we are together. She needs my support in her schoolwork and her money job and needs to not stress about “us” as much. I love her all I can and hope it shows.
