Letters to Self: #1 On Baggage
Hello guys. This is my very first medium post and it kicks off a series of posts dubbed “Letters to Self”I will do on the things I have learnt from relationships (the boy-girl kind) in the few years I have lived on this earth. Sigh! Enjoy.
Do not take in any new baggage, you have enough of your own. If at the get go someone has some baggage and your gut flags it, take that shit seriously. At first you feel that it is not such a big deal but time always catches up with you and soon enough you are like “shit, it has caught up with me”. Baggage could be anything from unresolved exes issues (ugly) to kids from another relationship (am not saying it is bad to date someone with a child, just that some people are not wired that way) and it needs to be addressed before any commitment is made. So no matter how good you feel about this new catch, pause, hold thy horses and think. Think long and hard about what this means and be very honest with yourself about whether it’s something you can handle. If yes, then well and good. Otherwise, just move on. It’s never that serious. But…
Yes, there is a but, there is always a but. Be gentle, be kind on the other person. These “baggage” are not all bad things neither are they the person’s fault. So if you do decide to “abort mission”, don’t go all accusatory on the person. After all you found them like that so don’t play God and try to change them. Don’t give ultimatums either. Just lay it out for them nice and easy. Seat them down and clearly explain where you are and what you think. It helps to not have gone so far down the road before this mighty discovery but if you are fear not, it is never to late. Better to do it now. Now is definitely better than later.
Kid yourself not, doubt will rear its ugly head at you, pierce its fiery eyes at you, intimidating you into reversing your decision. You will find yourself wondering what would have been. Was I a [insert cat’s nickname] for backing out? Was it a coward move? Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows? The way I see it you have saved both of you a lot of time and heartache.
So….Shut your eyes and rip off the band aid (look at me go all American and shit, it’s plaster. Sue me!)