Lifelong Obstacles


I moved to Southern California a few years ago in hopes of pursuing my dream in the entertainment industry. Unfortunately, it’s been almost 5 years, and I haven’t been able to get out of my dead end job that doesn’t even respect me. I still receive no help in at least getting an entry level assistant position in Hollywood.

It truly hurts my pride to see people who recently graduated, or even recently relocated to LA get a new position at a major company. I have many years of experience, a solid work history, and I am not even considered for an UNPAID internship position, even though I have spent money enrolling in courses related to this field.

Here’s a little history. I have always wanted to pursue entertainment since a young age. Unfortunately, I can be trapped in my negative mindset that I inherited from my parents who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They never let me pursue extracurriculars in dance or theatre, and were really against the industry. It was really backwards because they would watch children on television, and tell me that I can never be as talented as people who are on “Star Search” or any of those arising child stars. How can I be talented if you’re not giving me the opportunity to learn the craft? Even when I got my college acceptance letters, my mom suggested I go to a community college. She almost refused to sign my acceptance letter for college (because I was under 18 at the time) and almost didn’t pay the deposit. She likes to feel wanted, because everyone in her life has left her, including her husband. Fast forward to post college, my mom has a coworker whose family member works for….well, let’s call this company XYZ studios to keep the actual name anonymous. Her coworker suggested I reach out to her to get a referral to this company. The timing wasn’t right when she offered, so I decided to wait until it finally was. I asked my mom for her coworker’s email, and she initially refused to give me her contact information for 2 months. After pestering my mom for a few months, she finally gave me her email. I reached out to the coworkers family member, and set up an interview with management. I didn’t get the job. I have made phone calls, followed up through email, nothing. And again, I am a referral! I reached out to my mom again, and long story short, I have a negative feeling that she badmouthed me so I won’t get the job. I know for a fact that she tells people around her that I was mean and screamed at the grandparents. That isn’t true…she was the one that screamed at the grandparents, and one of them developed a slight PTSD over it.

I also have issues at my current job that I have been stuck in for 5 years. I’ll talk about that later, but here are a summary of my obstacles.

  1. Mother. I feel that parents help their child, but mine is different. I actually cut off contact with her but she keeps texting and calling me. I hate her, and I dream about punching her in the face, because she did hit me as a child. And no, it wasn’t discipline, she hit me to the point where I now have neurological issues.
  2. Getting a job in Hollywood where I can work behind the scenes. While everyone is moving further along, I have been stuck.
  3. Getting out of my dead end job. I actually know someone in the company whose family member works at one of my dream jobs, but she won’t help me. When I leave this company, I will not be giving them a 2 week notice, and that will definitely screw up their system.
  4. Money. Now that I am going back to school and paying for tuition out of pocket, I have to be more mindful of my spending.

My goal is to transition out of this negative situation that I am in. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed.

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