An Open Letter to HTTP

Dear HTTP,

I am a fan, a die hard lover of your works and many thanks for the lives (developers, project managers, designers and non-techies) you’ve saved overtime.

In my several years of building applications and teaching at least over a 100 engineers to effectively build software and secure APIs, I have employed my knowledge of your STATUS CODES in delivering quality work.

I know you are great and a lot of other great people think so too but you just did something nasty that has made me question whether you’re still thinking straight, you were pressurized or you’ve started rolling blunt.

Why In the name of the internet will you create a STATUS CODE for legal demands? STATUS CODE 451.

Did these unscrupulous lawyers hound you into creating it for them?. Come on, we already have several STATUS CODES to last us for a lifetime, why do we need one created specifically for a particular profession?

If I was a lawyer, and I really need STATUS CODES to let people know about my pending needs, work or issues? here is what I’ll do:

  1. Filing a new motion: 201 Created…indicating that my request had been fulfilled and results in a new motion for re-trial to be created.
  2. Another lawyer raises issues that have already been stated or asks repeated questions during witness cross-examinations?: 208 Already reported.
  3. Trying to get me to spill testimonies or get evidence without a stamped authority from above?: 203 Non-authoritative Information indicating that you should get a subpoena to compel me to testify.
  4. Authorization to represent someone else either in voting rights or in court or in case of a jury member been absent for a reasonable reason: 305 Use Proxy

I could go on and on, but at this point I’ve thought about your recent action and I might be so wrong to just rant and judge you quickly because this could go sideways.

Therefore, I have come up with a proposal, Ohh Yeah you bet I have. I need the following status codes for these purposes:

  1. A status code for relationship status.
  2. A status code for female date decline responses.
  3. A status code for dope tweets.
  4. A status code for sexual demands.
  5. A status code for marriage proposals.
  6. A status code for police harassment.
  7. A status code for conversational replies that never make sense.
  8. A status code for the bro/guy code( long overdue, dammit! ).
  9. A status code for Donald Trump’s kinda madness.
  10. A status code for even suggesting more status codes.

Friends and family, are there other cringing situations that need STATUS CODES? Please let me know so that HTTP can be a lot better for all of us.

Grant me these pressing needs and I promise to continue drinking beer and laughing heartily with you for as long as you want!

Thanks in anticipation of your favorable reply.

Your Friend,

418

PS: This is meant to be a joke, if it doesn’t make you smile/laugh then you need to visit the nearest HAPPINESS hospital for a therapy session because you’re taking this developer thing too serious!

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