Promoting Feminist Ideals as a Sexually-Active, Straight Girl

There is a lot of work for sexually-active feminists to do in the bedroom, especially, when they’re teenage girls dealing with teenage boys or young women in general dealing with dudes of any age.

Obviously, only have sexual relationships when you feel ready, use protection, and approach sex in general with caution, as it is a powerful aspect of human relationships. That being said, this power is what makes a sexual relationship the perfect environment to promote feminist ideals.

Here’s my logic, feminists need male allies. Equality can never come if only the oppressed believe in it.

The oppressors also have to understand their role and become sympathetic to the cause. For any semblance of feminist equality to exist, a majority of society has to be aligned with the goals. That includes both men and women. In addition, the “bedroom” can be an amazingly balanced place for helping to inform another’s opinion and showing that females deserve the same things as males.

Teenage boys have no idea how to relate to girls. They’ve internalized gender expectations of masculinity, they’ve been exposed to patriarchal ideals about the roles of females and males in relationships, and they’ve probably consumed pornographic material that shows sex in a totally imaginary and male-pleasure-dominated light.

Straight, sexually-active teenage boys will learn from their lovers about what it means to be in a relationship and what it means to have sex and what it means to be a good person. So set a good example, teach those boys well and if and when you’re sexually active, keep these tips in mind:

1. Love Your Body

If your lover says disparaging things about your body, correct him. If he says it’s unattractive when your stomach sits over your pants, tell him he’s wrong and that it’s just the way your stomach sits when you wear clothes designed for fashion and not comfort, like him. If he doesn’t like your hairy pits, ask him to shave his. If he continues to make negative remarks about your body, dump him. It’s very important to love your body and you can do that by surrounding it with love. Be proud of your bod. It can do so many cool things.

Confusingly enough, if you take pride in your body, others will appreciate it more. People take their cues from each other. For instance, if you say, “I love my body. It’s so great,” your lover will soon be saying “I love your body. It’s so great.” Again, if he doesn’t, dump him. He’ll spend the rest of his life thinking about your confidence.

2. Familiarize Yourself With Your Vagina

We as females, internalize so much shame about our vaginas that it can hinder our sexuality and relationships greatly. Female genitals have a bad opinion for no reason other than the patriarchy. Do the mirror thing. Look at all the parts. Find your clit and look at it. Sure, maybe you know where it is because you can feel it, but have you ever seen it? It’s glorious. It’s the cutest orgasm button ever created.

Look at your vaginal entrance. See how it unfolds like a beautiful flower. Use positive thoughts when you’re looking. Bless your vagina. Give deep love and appreciation to it. This vagina will give you pleasure, let you pee, it’ll play a role in some of your most intimate moments, and maybe someday it’ll give birth to a new freaking person. It’s okay if your vagina doesn’t end up doing all these things, but you’ve can give it credit. It’s an amazing piece of your anatomy and it deserves love.

Know that the types of vaginas depicted in pornography are not the only types of vaginas that exist. Does your vagina have hair in places you’ve never seen hair. Do the lips look unlike any lips you’ve ever seen? Is the color a shade you’ve never-before witnessed? Your vagina is normal. It’s beautiful. It’s completely unique and it is one of your magical gifts to this world.

3. Use Positive Adjectives When Thinking About and Describing Your Vagina

No one else has a vagina like yours. That’s a matter of pride. Your vagina is the most beautiful, wonderful vagina, because it’s yours and because it has the power to please both you and your lover.

Whenever you talk about your vagina, call it your glorious vagina, your pretty pussy, your beautiful lotus blossom, whatever you want, just use positive adjectives at all times. Again, your lover is taking his cues from you. If you love your vagina, so will he. Gently remind him that this piece of celebrated flesh is what gives rise to his pleasure. You are a goddess and your vagina is magic. Constantly reminding everyone of this fact shouldn’t be necessary but for now, it is. Verbal positive reminders will help both you and your young lover gain an appreciation for an extremely undervalued piece of the female body.

4. Take Pleasure

We know, as a porn-and-Cosmo-magazine-infiltrated culture, that the man does the physical sexual work, that is, unless the female is on top, holding her hair up and looking pretty, right? I didn’t realize how much I was missing out on sexually, until I realized that I could do work too. I thought one day, if I had been born a boy, I would have learned how to move my body in a way that gave me sexual pleasure.

Instead, all these years, I let the boy move his body to take his own pleasure from me. Of course I never orgasmed except by chance. My sexual encounters were totally disregarding my pleasure. Do not be embarrassed to move your own body to take your own pleasure. Explain to your lover that different movements feel better for you and make the physical motions of sexual encounters more equal.

Additionally, sex is more than a penis inside a vagina moving in and out. There are infinite ways to have a sexual experience with someone. If penetration isn’t your thing or if you find yourself wanting more, there are thousands of other ways to use your bodies in pleasurable ways. Find them! Try them! Call it “being adventurous”. Be excited and not ashamed about exploring the universe of potential pleasure!

5. Be Patient But Also Insistent

We’re not going to change the world overnight but we can teach each other, our peers, and our lovers, about a different way to think about gender and sex. It takes a lot of self-love to show that we deserve the highest quality of appreciation and love that another person can offer. So be patient with yourself and work on self-love daily, but also be patient with teenage boys because trust me, they’re clueless and you do not have to give them the power of defining your worth.