lost and never to be found

stare wistfully out the window
raindrops trail across the glass
and wonder how you’re still here
three months to two years
still keeping away from the world

make a mental note
look through your wardrobe
donate the clothes
you can’t fit into anymore
not with your weight gain
growing in spurts
out of control

walk along the path to
the place you always go
ignore the ache, the fatigue
rolling in like thunder as you
stagger off the bus into
burning heat because
you can no longer 
afford to hire a ride

wash down the drugs with a Coke
shut out the voices in your head
lingering bitterness in your mouth

ponder about how being in poverty has
nothing to do with looking destitute and
how the latter has none to do with the former
as you put all your things on sale

i used to want to die
now i’m not sure what i want.

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