The Find

Being MIA pisses of loads of people especially friends, family, and acquaintances but the one thing I’ve learned in this journey is that there’s no such thing as a burned bridge instead it’s just a fact- that the bridge wasn’t strong enough to withstand the blow. This happens, in life, startups, work, and death.

On a plane four months ago, I never thought that life would throw me a different form of luck. Unprecedented and surprising. During the plane ride, I remember thinking or dreaming off the future — all the way back in Austria. Dreaming of a happy ending, possibly the end of my lifelong mission regarding my startup but maybe just maybe a happier ending for a lonely rat is what I thought. Worse comes to worst — I move to Japan that’s what I thought. The oriental, land of anime’s, cosplays and the nerdy sci-fi part of my life that has always been a safe haven.

However — It didn’t turn out as planned. It didn’t turn out as to how I anticipated instead it turned out to be an interesting journey. I remember after the first 2 weeks here- being lost and scared was an everyday question. What am I doing? I don’t have a team? What do I do? — I wanna scrape it all and start from scratch that’s what I thought.

Random — Friendships are your best ally in this world.

I remember a bright fall morning, I walked to a friends house and after a long discussion, he sent me an invite to an event. I haven’t been networking — my brain was fogged and I wanted to shut myself off the rest of the world and that’s what I did that day. Instead, I woke up restless and grabbed the closest dress I could find and scaled through the subways of massive New York to the event only to find myself locked out.

Asking WHY is always your best fall back plan.

I entered that event, 2 words and I had a question. There I met 2 people who later on would play a significant importance in the later part. 2 smart and intelligent humans, at the same time humble and kind. The conversation went great but I knew to get something being persistent and ignoring the “ignorances” were key.

Always Take Chances

2 weeks later I went to one of their offices — I was there with my punk rock 80"s hairdo, blue shorts, black tights and red scarf. I went there chaotic — an escapee from an MCR video — I was greeted by this amazing, finely dressed human. For the sake of the story let’s call him Tommy — Tommy, the key to the puzzle later I would know.

He was there with his dark blue shirt, loafers, a classy 80’s punk hairstyle and a bright smile. A politeness struck me from him and a tiny bit of fear struck me. It was a fear yet admiration of the way he butchered my business plan . It did hurt but I loved what I was hearing. I was judging, evaluating and think of all probabilities that I could potentially build up enough courage to ask him to help me.

Boy was I intimidated.

Great Gifts Comes In Unexpected Surprises

We became friends — Tommy and I became friends. The first day was pad thai moment — I remember that I was actually seeing a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. We ate and eventually parted ways. However, I don’t recall why or how we met the second time — eventually, he became my rock. He came in the company like a breath of fresh air, breathing life into all my research and lost hopes.

I finally had the strength to stand up in the morning and get to my computer writing and working. I didn’t know why.

The best part has always been the call — the call to meet up and have coffee, lunch or something — in retrospect, it was a tiny bubble with tiny adventures. What was this? All I knew was an amazing friendship. A person without batting his eye willing to pick me up and believe in me.

He was my “pick me up” pill.

Always Appreciate.

We shared everything — stories, problems and even for my long due panic attack the first person I reached to call was Tommy. It felt safe. 
He had my back and I was doing my best to keep up with him. Feeling like Sakura to Sasuke or Naruto, the only thing I had was my knowledge of science, food, and anatomy.

I always made it a priority to keep his trust and always make him my priority.

I know totally platonic right!

The Twist and Turns Do Come.

He made my team — I lead it, I initiated it but Tommy managed to put it all together. From CTO all the way down to the line cooks — he made it happen. He invested in me, a recent graduate with a vision. He didn’t have too — even now I still wonder why.

We somehow made it happen, we moved in as a team to the epitome of startups in New York where parties consist of Snoop Dog’s surprise visit. We spent our days together, working, playing, talking and expanding. 
Until recently, I never knew how much I cared for him. Well until my date came back home with me that is.

I couldn’t help myself from thinking — why not us? Am I doing the mistake of letting the best thing go? I realized I was and that’s when that date came to a full stop.

Days passed and a month later — a best friend came for a visit. She left with me contemplating my own feelings and being curious about his. I realized then and there that my rock was him. A synchronization, the perfect power match and a combo that keeps each other grounded.

I realized I do have feelings for him — I don’t know if he does but I would say maybe not — well I assume because his physical aspirations of a perfect 
partner are beyond what I could measure up too.

So it’s a mystery — only his brain knows his emotions and his feelings, I can’t assess without biases.

However, 2 years is a long ride for us and maybe by then, I would have the courage to say what I feel instead of deflecting and running for the hole.

Do you think we have feelings for each other? Or do you want to know more?