You can’t trust your brain. You can’t trust your thoughts or your impulses or yourself.
Your brain lies to you, tells you you’re fine, you’re in control, you can stop whenever you want.
You will spend the rest of your life second-guessing your own thoughts.
It gets easier, sure. You get into the habit of keeping your mind in check, keeping your thoughts in line.
You thought you were in control when you flung yourself off the cliff of your mental stability, you told yourself you were in control even as you fell – but holding yourself back from that cliff edge takes far more control than you knew you had. There’s a direct correlation between gaining tighter control over your eating, over your actions, over every aspect of your life except anything that could help you, and relinquishing control over your mental state. It’s an addictive mix.
It’s easy to buy into the myth that you’ll be the success story, you’ll be stronger and better than everyone else.
Addiction is always easier to start than it is to end. And it is an addiction.
Its easy to lose yourself in those voices and so much harder to argue your way out of them, but it’s worth it in the end. It’s always worth it in the end – or so they tell me.