Literally Killing Myself

I honestly don’t understand how I can be so excited and so happy to see her and as soon as I see her she makes me wish it was still 5 o’clock and she was still working . I saw her location and it wasn’t where she was suppose to be until it was almost time for her to come home . Im always wrong, or something is always my fault. I walk on egg shells hoping and praying that she won’t hate me today .

I’m literally killing myself . Stressing myself out . I’m only happy when she is around and some of that time is not because she always has a nasty attitude.

How much longer can I keep this inside before I just break ?

All I do is dream of day dream about what happened . But it happening again . And again . And again . It’s like a constant thing in my mind 24/7.

I cook , I clean , I make sure she has everything she needs/wants when she is home and it’s STILL NOT ENOUGH. I truly won’t ever be enough . And I don’t wanna deal with this feeling for the rest of my life .

For better or for worse ? Through thick and thin ? In sickness and health ?

I need to give myself a piece of mind before I truly kill my self .