I know what I want, I just don’t know how to get there.

I’m not entirely sure where to start. Do I start with my personal life or my work life or even my mental health?

Lets start with work as that effects most of the above.

So I really need to get of my bum and motivate myself, I feel as if I’m trying quite hard at the moment as I’m perusing my photography. Yes, photography is my end game goal, however it’s a very tricky career to get into, I do not mean its hard, what I really mean is every fucker has a bloody DSLR or camera now days and thinks just because they have that they have right to set up a website and start renting themselves out. Now, personally I am very critical and picky when taking images, so when I see someone taking utter shit and having the nerve to charge someone for this it really winds me up. It winds me up because I wouldn't have the nerve to charge someone for something that is anything less that perfect, if i were to go out on a limb and take some portraits for a customer and I got nothing worth while, then I just wouldn't charge them. Why you ask? Because I feel that if the customer isn't happy with something then why on earth would they want to pay for it. What I would do instead is say:

Look, I know we didn't get what we came for today so i’m not going to charge you, what i will do however is come out with you another day and try again. Sometimes conditions aren't right, lighting is poor or sometimes you or even me aren't in the zone. So lets try again another day and we will capture something worth keeping.’

If thats not fair, then shoot me now because I don’t know what is. Also the other thing that gets me is these crappy photographers publish their images on social media hyping them up, like do you take no pride in your work?!

Mental health, this should be good.

Over the past few weeks I feel my mental health has improved tenfold, I feel much better in myself and I feel as if I can handle anything that comes my way, or seek help from someone I trust. Now thats progress ladies and gentlemen. This time a few years ago it would have been ‘fuck it all i’m done, dean out’ Not anymore, I am Dean 2.0, ready to take on the world and fight off the demons that linger in my head. COME AT ME! (Please don’t I’m in a good place and I don’t want to be having to fight bad thoughts and get my life in order)

Personal Life

This is an interesting one, most of my friends have moved away now so i’m kind of more alone than ever, I mean i’m not totally alone, i have my family and some friends, but no one i can really go to the pub with after a hard day or play xbox with and do stupid things. That sucks, but thats my own doing, i’ve never had many friends, but to be honest I would rather have 4 quarters than a handful of pennies, or however it goes.

Not so recently I moved out of my mothers because I wasn't feeling to good in myself. I moved into my aunts, well I kind of just turned up and took over the spare room and have been living here for about 4–5 months… wow thats longer than i thought! I know at some point I’m gonna have to go back home as I’ve probably already out stayed my welcome, but I kind of feel like if I were to move back home, it would only be short term as I like the indipendence I have here. My girlfriend and I were talking about moving out and getting a flat before we broke up, and now we are back together thats back on the table however she lives 110 miles away, so we would need to find somewhere we want to move to, get jobs local to that area then get a flat, and that sounds like a long winded process.

So in conclusion, someone get me a job that pays well, someone else buy me a flat, and someone else petrol bomb all shoddy local photographers.

Thanks for reading!

Dean.