The cringe attacks…
You know you’ve had one of those ultimately embarrassing moments when you just wanna bury yourself in the ground even if you know it’s concrete or vanish or turn back time and kick yourself (in the descending order of probability). These moments don’t pass quickly, in fact they lengthen proportionally with your inability to speak. Trust me, speaking doesn’t help either. It’s so stressful that you can imagine little minions running around with one yelling “Abort! Abort!” and pressing all the STOP buttons while the others are jumping up asking “Abort what?!”. *Everything*.
In the range of a few seconds after the damage is done, all your thoughts are related to it. No matter what you say, it ends up worsening the damage; especially if you think it’s funnier if you enunciate and repeat it with a complementary laugh…because it still isn’t. If they didn’t laugh in the first go, it’s not because they didn’t get it..it’s because you didn’t get it. When you realize this, it’s just “Turn around. Walk out. Never see them eye to eye.”
This write-up isn’t a precautionary one. It’s about the times these mind minions go “Oh! You look free and satisfied with life...here munch on this!” and the flashbacks pollute your mind while the people around you hear you impulsively yell “Ugh!”. What you’re experiencing is a cringe attack. It could happen anywhere; during a test, in your shower, when you’re on the brink of sleep, while driving, or the worst one…when you’re doing nothing at all and the cringe hits you at maximum impact. The only thing that reduces the frequency and intensity of cringe attacks is the all-powerful Time unless you manage to purposefully ridicule the cringe.
The next time a friend starts with “Remember when you…” and you know it’s going to be a cringe attack just laugh it out. Laughter garnishes the stupidity of the memory with a sense of “I know how stupid that was” and the burden of the silliness on your head is much lesser (because apparently you’ve learned your lesson) so it’s easier to forgive and forget. That’s if you stick to the usual list of cringe-worthy moments; mixed-up names, inappropriate language, mannerism, sleep-induced confusion and so on.
But some of those memories just go straight to the grave, literally; the people involved are the only ones who know about it and it’s taboo. They’re one of those things you tell someone while you’re dying so they can’t flip out.
“Remember those letters from XXXXXXX…Nope. Weren’t from him.”
“I said ‘I literally shat my pants because of that test’ to the invigilators and was confused when they didn’t laugh”
“I stole your lucky charm bracelet in second grade because I wanted to be lucky too. It’s in the top drawer.”
Unless they really know what you’re doing, they’d try not to laugh and you’ll probably die in peace. Remember, laugh it off and try to forget because Time usually ebbs it away unless it’s one of the stronger taboo ones in which case there’s a huge probability you’d be found rolling in your grave yelling “Ugh!”.
P.S.: Laughter can solve cringe attacks.