Asking for what you want

Last week was a rough week… like fleeing home in the middle of the night to go stay in a hotel by myself and weep all night kind of rough. The week felt like a non-stop battle — so much so that I was really starting to wonder what kind of vicious hagbeast I had been in a former life to warrant such karma.

By the time Friday night rolled around, I (not at all jokingly) asked the Mister what he thought about selling the house, cashing out all our accounts and running away to a foreign country — preferably one with a white sandy beach and really tasty spiced rum. I almost had him convinced, but then we remembered the kid, three dogs, two birds and two businesses that sometimes depend on us. I offered up that we could leave the kid some cash, the pets and maybe even the businesses — but then the kid came home for the weekend and reminded us how much we like being around her.

So we stayed.

All week long…

through the muck and madness and sadness, I had a feeling that something was out of alignment but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. On Saturday morning I stood in front of the mirror and asked myself for the eleventy-billionth time, “What am I missing? What am I not doing? Life isn’t this damn hard!” And that’s when the voice of an old coach popped into my head…

“Healthy people ask for what they want.”

I immediately wrote it on the bathroom mirror. (No lie, I keep a dry erase marker in my makeup bag for just such an occasion.)

But what did I want?

That’s a loaded question, of course, because I want a whole lotta things… twelve extra hours in each day to spend with my family, unlimited yoga with my favorite yogi, an angel investor for the SheHive, a healthy coping mechanism as satisfying as cherry cordial ice cream, thick hair, a voice like Adele’s, a PhD, a best-selling book, to be featured on Super Soul Sunday and the next season of OITNB to come out STAT!

But I wanted all those things last week too and it was a damn good week. This week? Poop. This week was poop.

I had to admit I was spent.

My emotional, physical and spiritual bank accounts were drained. What I really needed was someone else to step up so I could step back. Not forever and not for long, but just for long enough.More than that I needed to know that there was someone that cared enough about me to take on a little extra for just a little while on my behalf. I knew the Mister would if he could, but the SheHive (the biggest and most glorious pressure of them all) would look a *little* different if left in his hands for a week. Think less glitter and glue and more Bourbon and flatulence.Unfortunately no one else was volunteering. Maybe because they didn’t know I needed them? My people are good people with many amazing talents, but mind-reading is not one of them.

Healthy people ask for what they want.

I carried that thought into the SheHive KeyHolders’ meeting the next day. We had an agenda packed with a lot of things — none of which were me standing up in front of the room and declaring through teary eyes, “I’m tired.” But that’s how we started and I barely got the second sentence out before they were all volunteering to help. Within ten minutesthey had a plan to cover the SheHive so I could hit the road with the Mister for ten uninterrupted days.

(We’re coming back, I swear.)

It’s scary to ask for what you want.

What if no one hears you? Or, worse yet, what if they hear you and don’t respond? Or laugh at you? Or call you selfish?

Or what if you lean on the exact people who promised to be there for you and they are?

What is one thing you need help with this week and who are you going to ask? I’d love to here about it. Shoot me an email or drop a comment on the blog.

With much love and gratitude,

Originally published at