Confessions of a Single Mother
A Single Mother Knows This Struggle
I have seen it a thousand times. The looks. The looks I get as a single mother. Sometimes it’s a look of compassion, but there are plenty of times that it’s a look that says “what the hell’s wrong with you” or “get your shit together”, something along those lines. I am not a whiner by any means, but a single mother has to put up with some BS that others often don’t. If you have ever judged a single mom before, then I want you to know a few things. This is Confessions of a Single Mother.
I Didn’t Choose To Be A Single Parent
Like most other women who are single parent’s, I did not choose the single mother life; it chose me. I did not wake up one day and say “maybe I should kick his father to the curb, and raise him on my own.”. Nope, in fact I stayed with his father for longer than I should have. We all have different reasons, and regardless of what other’s may think, in our eyes there was no staying.
We Are Not Sick
Those bags under our eyes, and our messy hair? We didn’t just roll out of bed, in fact we’ve been out of bed since 6 am with our little ones and feeding, changing, chasing, and playing with our little ones have delayed our need to shower and get our gorgeous together!
Our House Was Clean 5 Minutes Ago
You walked into our house mid-day? Well, get ready for the mess. With two parents in the home, some mothers are lucky enough to have a few minutes to clean, or the father may get up and decide he’s tired of the mess and clean for you. (That was my personal favorite. When he would get annoyed and clean the house himself) Not out of laziness, but because putting your baby off to clean the house is not only hard, some days it’s impossible. You put their toys away, they throw a huge fit and drag them right back out.
We Are Tired
Emotionally, Physically, and Mentally Drained! We get 8 hours of sleep if we’re lucky, then we get up and do the same thing over again alone, and exhausted. But hey, hats off to us right?!? We do handle our business like a Boss!
We Would LOVE To Go Out With You
Hell, going out is something most of us don’t even remember doing anymore. Of course if someone asks us to go out, we would love nothing more than to jump on your offer. But when it’s just us and our children, unless your idea of going out is Chik-Fil-A or the play center at the mall, you’re more than likely out of luck. Not all of us have the support of the father or other family. Sometimes we have no other option than to sit at home. So if we decline your offer don’t get too upset, or shut us out. Think of ways to include the kids. I mean you are interested in dating a single mother, you’re going to have to get use to having them around.
Fastest Way To Be Dropped By A Single Mother?
Act like her kids are an inconvenience. Yes, to you our kids may be a bit of an annoyance. Because they didn’t come from your balls, or eggs. But to us they are the best thing that could’ve ever happened to us. So if you’re interested in being a part of our lives, you better get interested in what our kids are interested in. Without our children’s confirmation you’re more than likely not going to get any love from us. What parent really wants to be with someone who can’t stand their kids? Don’t think you’re fooling us by half-assing the way you “care” about our children. We spend every minute of our day wrapped up in our child, so when we see you interacting with them, we can tell right off the bat whether you’re being really real, or really fake.
We Aren’t God
What I mean is we already know our parenting isn’t perfect. In fact, some days we would rather our parent’s take our kids. Not because we don’t want them, but because the pressure of being perfect daily is a little too much to bare. We know our kids have dirty faces, or our living situation is a mess at times. But as single mother’s, there is not one thing in this world that we wouldn’t give up for our children to live a comfortable, happy life.
People Look Down On Us Enough Already
As single mother’s we already look down on ourselves. We don’t need someone else doing it for us.
We Are Stronger Than We Look
First of all, we didn’t end up single mother’s by being weak. We had our heart’s broken, all of our dreams of a happy family were shattered. But do you see us moping around? Or begging someone to love us? No you don’t. Because as single mother’s we have learned to do everything on our own. From carrying our sleeping dead-weight children who played too hard and crashed out in the car, to being looking at your child who is bleeding from the mouth and realizing you’re the one who has to take care of it, even though you might be terrified of even the sight of blood! We man up and take care of ours.
Child Support Doesn’t Help As Much As You Think
A lot of people who aren’t single parents don’t understand the need for that little bit of child support. You think that $300 is going to make us rich? Get real, $300 a month takes care of diapers, wipes, and food. You aren’t doing us a favor by paying it. In fact, we would actually rather you go spend that $300 for us. Every single month we are already spending that $300, on food, diapers, wipes, gas for our car, and housing along with the other basic needs that pop up daily. The other parent is only doing a little bit of what they would be doing if they were still around, and FYI, the state doesn’t always get you that money. So go ahead and think what you want, but as a mother who doesn’t get child support, I do see how my child is not living the life he could be living if his father were to actually step up and help.
We Need To Vent
Yes, there will be days that we completely lose our shit! Whether it’s over huge mess, or a single item misplaced. We will burst out in tears and truly believe tomorrow won’t come, or be better than today was. Allow us to vent, and don’t look down on us for not being perfect every single minute of every single day. We are exhausted, from staying at home all day with the little ones, to working, then being with them for the rest of the day. We don’t have a single minute to our self some days. So, it’s easy for us to be a bit overwhelmed. When your friend or child is in tears telling you everything is wrong, let them know you’re there for them. Not to judge, but to try to ease some of their stress. Let them know they aren’t alone. That is the fastest way to maintain a good friendship with a single mother.
At the end of the day, whatever the reason, a single mother is often looked down upon, whether it’s because we are tired, look malnourished, or are so wired from the coffee and stress that we don’t seem to have everything together. When we actually do have everything together, you’re just looking at the outer appearance. Outwardly, we may look a mess sometimes, but inside? On the inside we’re a true effin BOSS!
What are your thoughts?
Originally published at www.desiredmag.com on March 21, 2016.