How I Healed My Broken Heart
The Lessons I Learned While Healing My Broken Heart
Broken heart? It’s a bitch. I’ve recently been let down by a man I had been in love with for five years. I did the whole “time heals all wounds” thing, and in the process I learned to let go and slowly learned how to comfort and heal my own heart. So I thought I’d share my experiences with you in order to help you comfort yours as well. But remember, the only way this will work is if you are in FACT done with that person.
Find Closure — My relationship with this person was constantly off and on. I could never tell if we were going to get married or if he was just going to end up disappearing. One day, I lashed out and told him how I felt and how he was breaking my heart daily. So, I finally did what I was always afraid of doing. I took control and shut him down. I said my peace and made sure I got everything out. I no longer wanted to wait for a man who was never waiting on me.
Cry, Feel Sorry For Yourself — There’s nothing more freeing than letting yourself be upset! Let yourself hurt for a day or two, but DO NOT open that closed door back up. You ended it, and now it’s up to you to keep it that way.
Realize it’s over and Forgive — No, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I still see my ex, and I get chills and have to hold back the tears. You will see them being completely fine, and unfortunately there’s nothing you can do other than forgive them for the hurt they’ve caused you. “Forgiveness is letting go of the idea that the past could be any different from what it is.” -Oprah Winfrey. Unfortunately, there’s no changing what has happened. But doing nothing and letting yourself hurt over this is only going to hurt you even more in the long run. Forgive yourself as well, those years that you’ve wasted have TAUGHT you more than they’ve hurt you.
Do something epic! — If you’re the type of person who is always doing the same thing and pushing people and their idea’s away from you because it’s just too much, I’m going to challenge you to take yourself out of your comfort zone. Do like Bella did on Twilight! (I was recently told after riding on the back of a man’s Harley for the first time, that I pulled a Bella = Doing something extremely stupid that I’d never do if I was in my right mind.) Do something spontaneous! Stop letting yourself be the reason you’re living a boring, predictable life. Challenge your mind to take on a new business venture, or do something crazy like Skydiving!
Surround yourself with positive people — That’s right! You’re going to have to stop being the center of attention because positive people aren’t going to allow you to be miserable or the center of attention. These people are good for you, though! They will allow you to see things in a new light, while helping you focus on other more important idea’s rather than your broken heart.
Create Goals — You have to get focused on something other than your confused, lonely, hurt heart. What better way to do that than to get yourself pumped up about something you’ve been needing to do anyways? I recently started writing, and decided it was time to start losing weight. These two things along with my job’s have definitely helped me get excited about something, other than a person who is never coming back.
Drain Yourself — Drain yourself of all energy during the day, so at night you won’t be staying up thinking of ways this could’ve/should’ve ended up. (Forgive! See #3)
Stay Out Of Relationships — No guys, I’m not suggesting you stay out of relationships for life. I’m just suggesting you work on yourself before allowing yourself to be vulnerable again. I’ve wasted too many years believing the best way to get over one person was to get with another. This is not true, in fact within the last 5 years, I’ve had a child with a man I wasn’t in love with, and was taken advantage of by a man who I barely knew. When you’re trying to get over someone you don’t realize how vulnerable your heart actually is. Because, you don’t realize your self-worth after they’ve made you feel completely worthless. During this process of healing your own heart, you need to get a grip on, and come to terms with, the fact that YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE! & when you are ready and you realize your self-worth, you won’t be settling for people who are only here to use you.
Keep yourself busy & positive — Do something! It doesn’t matter what that something is, as long as it’s keeping your mind busy. Write a book, listen to motivational videos online. Get out of the HOUSE! (But make sure you leave it clean!) I’ve learned that a dirty house will only create a more cluttered mind. Clean, and sing while you do it! Listen to uplifting music! Stuff that will get you excited, TURN OFF THE SAD SONGS! Nobody has time to cry when they’re in the process of healing, stay away from those sad songs!
Understand the lessons you’ve learned — Everyone you ever come across in this life has something valuable to teach you. Now, a broken heart isn’t something we WANT to experience, but in all reality it is something that we will all experience at one point or another. So, take the experience in! Realize what you didn’t before. For Example: I learned that our life is too short to wait on someone who is on and off about being with me. I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past 5 years that without that person I would’ve never realized by myself. I now have a better sense of who I am as a person, and understand that life is too short to wait around on someone who “takes 100 steps forward only to take 101 steps back.” He would literally be crazy about me one week, then turn around and run away for a week or two until he started to realize “how much I meant” to him. I’ve since created closure between us, cried, forgave, surrounded myself with better people, and created goals that I will accomplish! I’ve drained myself everyday while creating a better path for myself. In turn, I’ve slept a thousand times better, and I’ve met new people, but made sure we are on a “Just Friend’s” basis. I’ve kept myself busy and positive. Life is what you choose to make it whether it be good or bad, and it’s you hold that gets to decide. This may not help everyone, but it has definitely helped me, and I was the typical “Hopeless Romantic” who literally thought I would marry this man, have his children, and it would = Happily Ever After. But, that wouldn’t have been my happily ever after, because I’ve realized that he didn’t value me. If he did he wouldn’t have made me wait five years to break my heart.
Myself? I am now a happier person with a much better outlook on life. I hope this helps to open your eyes and helps you heal. But don’t worry, there’s no need to rush. Like all things, this will take time. For now, stop dragging it out, draw your line, and end the misery because YOU deserve peace.
What are your thoughts?
Originally published at www.desiredmag.com on March 21, 2016.