Secrets Men Keep from Women

Can you keep a secret?

Don’t tell him we told you.

We covered Secrets Women Keep from Men in the last post, so I thought we would take a minute and discuss exactly what it is that guys are keeping their lips sealed about. What is going on in their heads that they just won’t talk about? If you think your guy isn't keeping any secrets, then he is one hell of an actor. Here are some of the common secrets men keep from their partners.

  1. He checks out other women. Okay, you probably already knew this one, but a guy will argue till he’s blue in the face saying “I swear, I wasn’t checking her out”, he was. If you never see your guy doing this, then he has crazy good peripheral vision.
  2. He still watches porn. Not often, but he still does, and he wants you to be cool with it. In fact, he would probably like to watch it WITH you, but he’ll wait for you to bring that up.
  3. He loves it when you have girl’s night. Don’t fall for the puppy dog routine. Oh no! You’re leaving me alone? Well okay, guess I’ll just read a book or something. The truth is, guys love the occasional night alone — they get to act like sloppy bachelors again, if only for a night. So while you’re out, he’s playing video games, watching action movies, listening to old bands from high school. Plus, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? A little away time is never a bad thing.
  4. He is happy when you bring up the important topics. He may seem to clam up when you bring up kids, marriage, or little dogs that fit in purses. But the truth is, he respects it when you initiate a big conversation. Talk is important, and he knows it, but he’ll find it all too easy to procrastinate on the milestone discussions. So when you bring it up — especially if you do it casually, and with a genuine interest about how we feel — you reassure him that you’re the right girl for him.
  5. He notices every time another guys check you out. It stirs something in him that falls somewhere between pride and jealousy, and it triggers a protective machismo every time.
  6. He likes compliments. Proper men know that when a woman looks great, he tells her. When she just blew his mind in bed, he says so. And even though they don’t let on, guys love to get those compliments, too. From the woman they love, a little reassurance every so often is clutch. The more outrageous and unbelievable, the better. Something like, “You’re the most handsome man on the planet” or “Your penis is so perfect, it should be preserved in bronze for future anthropologists to study” will always make him smile.
  7. He was nervous the first time he had sex with you. Sure, he was playing it cool, but deep down, he was telling himself, “This girl is awesome — don’t climax too early, don’t wait too long, don’t make any weird noises, don’t make that dumb O face…”
  8. He has particular sexual fantasies. Whether it’s innocent or risqué, he probably won’t make these most private wishes known — but not because he wants to keep them to himself. Many men have a difficult time communicating what they prefer in bed. He might want it, but doesn’t know how to ask or let you know.
  9. He needs you to make him feel like a big, strong man. Your guy may feel insecure if his masculine qualities, like physical strength, never impress you. This isn’t the ’50s anymore, but there are still some genetically determined pieces of men’s self-worth. Since he’ll feel even less like a tough guy divulging this need for extra attention, he’ll stay quiet. So, compliment his brawn — even if it’s just for popping the lid off the jam jar. Also, give him a chance to assemble that dresser before offering your expertise. If you take charge instead of letting him take care of it, he’ll feel emasculated.
  10. He wants you to initiate sex. You may think sexual desire is hard-wired in men, but with every attempt at turning you on comes a threat of rejection — even in the most established relationships. That’s why it’s such a turn-on when a woman makes the moves, allowing him to skip the risk altogether. And it’s not just sex he wants: One recent study from the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University actually found that cuddling and caressing in a relationship are more important to men than women.
  11. He’s absolutely terrified when you drive. Every time you are behind the wheel, he has fully accepted that he may die at any moment. Even if your man is too diplomatic to tell you, he is terrified that you will turn him into a crash-test dummy. True story.
  12. He stalked the hell out of you on Facebook when you first started dating. Actually, he Facebooked you, Twittered you, and if he had a friend in the FBI, he would have FBI’d you too. No, he wasn't trying to be creepy, he just wanted to find out as much as possible about you to increase his chances of getting laid…okay, kinda creepy. So, when he remembers better than you what your prom dress looked like, say thanks to Facebook.
  13. He has fat days too. He doesn't expect to be a Ryan Gosling clone, but he’s still not as confident about his looks as he seems. He may put on a tee shirt and suddenly notice the start of a beer belly, or he’ll pull on those favorite jeans only to find a pair of newborn love handles creeping over the top. Just noticing it is embarrassing — admitting it out loud would make him feel like, well, a girl. It’s nearly enough to cause a man to consider giving up his daily bacon-and-cheese breakfast sandwich. Nearly.
  14. Sometimes he thinks you look bad. He would never tell you, though. He wants you to feel good about yourself. So, if you like that dress you’re wearing or the way you did your make-up, who is he to say anything.
  15. He loves gossip, maybe more than you. Though, he would never admit to it and will often complain about you spreading it, he loves to feel like he knows everything. He is much less likely to spread it himself, though.

Okay, that’s our list of top secret guy stuff! Guys, let us know if you have anything you think should be on the list. Girls, tell us your thoughts. Do you think your guy is guilty of keeping any of these secrets?

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Originally published at on May 13, 2015.