Welcome to the Love Lab

Can we use science to investigate emotions? This seems an oxymoron, but it is the basis of John Gottman’s Gottman Institute, a research-based approach to relationships. Last week I learned of this scientific endeavor to improve intimate relationships by listening to “Clear + Vivid,” a podcast hosted by Alan Alda, octogenarian star of “Mash,” as he interviewed John and his wife, Julie Gottman, for 41 minutes. In spite of his career path, Alda’s interview was serious and informative. I enjoy this free podcast, even with its advertisements.

After 50 years of observing thousands of couples in great detail, John’s institute could predict a marriage’s success 6 years later over 90% of the time. More importantly, he learned the reasons for this success or failure, and how to weight the scale toward success.

One of the constructive behaviors is to fill the couple’s emotional “bank’ with positive “deposits” at least 5 times more often than negative “withdrawals.” View this 2:19 minute video to learn how to make positive “deposits.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHN2EKd9tuE

If your joint bank account of love gets low, it can lead to negative behaviors that erode the relationship, leading to betrayal. This 4:41 minute video describes a positive “deposit” and contrasts a good relationship to one that is headed for the rocks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgWnadSi91s

While I highly recommend Alan Alda’s podcast from October 17th, I also recommend any youtube.com videos by John Gottman, many of which are much longer than these tidbits. A good intimate relationship goes a long way toward making life worth living.

Submitted by Teresa Wilmot