Because I was lonely, I fell in love with myself..

5 reasons why more solitude in 2015, helped me fall in love with myself.

This time last year, I just embarked on a 6-month journey to work as a business developer in my home country Nigeria. They said it would be life changing, they were right.

Albeit I grew up in Nigeria, I spent the last 11 years of my life in Southern California.

This time last year, I was feeling: lost (re-assimilation was kicking my butt), lonely (my siblings, network, and friends were all in the United States), but content (I had a roof over my head, was mentored by one of the most brilliant people I know, I enjoyed my new job, and was able to reconnect with my parents and extended family).

Of all those feelings, loneliness had to be the most prevalent. Little did I know that solitude would make 2015, the best year of my life — so far.

Here’s a couple reasons why:

Because I was lonely, I started to write again.. Without knowing I was goal-setting (which I had never done before), I would write down what I wanted to achieve at monthly. Sometimes it was as personal as making sure I called my parents everyday for an entire month (we’ll talk about this later), other times they were work related goals. I was listing goals and checking them off, which did/does feel awesome. In my darkest/happiest hours I would write poems on my Tumblr page, I wrote more in 2015 than I ever have since graduating college, and it saved my sanity. Writing is therapeutic, they said. They were right.

Because I was lonely, I started to exercise again.. I could count with one hand how many times I exercised in 2014. It wasn’t until I was by myself and not surrounded by noise that said, “you are skinny, you don’t need to work out,” that I had this realization: if you exercise 7 times in the span of 365 days, you don’t want to be happier. Growing up in a health conscious family, I knew that there were many psychological benefits to exercise but in 2015, I lived it. I started regularly exercising in February 2015 and that is the most important habit I formed last year. Working out makes you happier, they said. They were right — I work out 5 times a week (mostly in the morning) for at least 40 minutes.

Because I was lonely, I re-understood the word “important..”

Sustaining good relationships is great, but family is important. My parents live away from all of their children, my first day at work (my 3rd day in Nigeria), my mom called me just to say hi. “Now there will be no delay when you call, because we are in the same country,” she said. Thinking about that call makes me very emotional till today. I called my parents every day in January and could not believe how much joy it brought them, so I did it for the entire year. Family first, they said. They were right.
Working hard is great, working smart is important.
Having dreams and passions is great, goal-setting is important. Where are you, and where do you want to be in 3 months? How are you going to achieve it?
Having your “alone” time is great, meditating and working on your mindfulness is important.
Travelling and leaving your comfort zone is important, they said. They were right.

Because I was lonely, I was free.. When you are away from friendly distractions, you can literally do whatever you want. With my background of having a nice amount of “friends,” combined with American spirit of always making plans, it is hard sometimes to just do what YOU want to do. What movie should we watch? Anything because whatever you decide will make three people happy: Me, Myself & I. Nowadays, I am less peer pressured to do things I absolutely don’t want to do because I know how fun I can have doing what I really want to, even if it is alone.

Because I was lonely, I fell in love with myself.. Due to all the personal changes I was making, my self-confidence was at its peak in 2015. I read, meditated, exercised and ate well and. I fell for the woman in the mirror, over and over again. In 2015, I did not have any romantic relationships (which sucked at times) but I loved who I was becoming. A good lover will make you want to be the best version of yourself, be that lover. Focus on yourself and success is imminent they said, they were right.

2016: Set time aside for YOU, plan to travel by yourself to a place you don’t know and enjoy your own company.