Last Days of 2022

As I sit here with dim lights, tumultuous thoughts, and the accompanying sound of New Pammy by The Cavemen, I feel a certain peace that eluded me in the last months of 2022.

Before I go into details, permit me to gush about how much I’ve missed this, how much I’ve missed you guys. There’s so much I want to share with you all and I’m excited that I have begun. Let’s dive right into it!

2022 was something!

There were major losses, wins, and a lot of in-betweens.

After the eight-month-long strike from academic activities was called off in its usual fashion – without prior notice and throwing students and parents alike into full panic mode, my class resumed school almost immediately because we had pending exams. Within a week or two, our timetable was released and what I feared the most, happened. I had just two weeks until my exams.

It didn’t matter that I had not read a single academic book for eight months or that I couldn’t remember jack and my past jottings looked foreign to me or the fact that I was still caught up in work entanglements from the strike that I needed to be free from. It was such a sharp turn and I was left reeling from the impact. One thing was sure though, the exams were coming whether I was ready or not.

I like to think that I tried my best, you know. The exams came and I wrote my answers with confidence. Some that I was sure of and some that I knew would have my lecturers questioning my sanity (and probably theirs. lol). I scaled the first hurdle and it was time to face the mountain which was my first professional exam.

Now, I had heard a lot of stories about how tough it could be and I believed those stories. Living it was a whole ‘nother experience. It did not help that we were given less than two weeks to prepare for these exams or that I fell ill a week before the exam. Sometimes I wonder which was worse, chugging drugs back to back or experiencing my first failure in med school in double doses a few days before the most important exam I had ever written. Sounds like a lot, right? Well, it was.

But guess what? I did it! And I like to think that I did it well too. There will be more, and they might be worse but when I get to that point, I’ll scale through as well.

While I planned to tell stories of events that happened in these past months, I’m in a rather reflective mood today.

Looking back at how the past year was for me, all I feel is gratitude for where I am. One thing I learned was that we have so much more power over our lives than we might be aware of.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we may not be able to control the weather or the things that happen to us, and thinking about it, there’s a whole lot beyond our control but the one thing within our jurisdiction is how we react to these things that might happen and that holds so much power over our lives than we realize.

There’s a popular saying,

“You can’t control the things that happen to you but you can control the way you react to them.”

I have heard this many times but I never really understood it until I saw it play out in the past year.

In 2022, I lost and saw people (close family) lose significant things and people and when I thought that I would break from the sheer sadness in my heart, I saw people who lost more than I did react in a certain way that was laughable at first but then it later began to make a lot of sense. Two people I learned a lot from were my parents.

I’m a Christian who is an ardent believer in the mighty works faith can do and I know that in certain times when you are at your lowest, it takes the grace of God to react in certain ways. For example, there can be two ways to react to failure. One would be self-pity and/or self-loathing and another would be a determination to do better next time. Of course, it’s not black and white and you can even feel all these emotions at once but whatever emotions you let win will determine how you react and hence your next actions.

Putting faith and religion aside, even scientists believe in the power of human thoughts.

Newton’s third law of motion states that,

For every action (force) in nature, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

This is partly true in our lives. Partly, because unlike in physics, we get to decide our reactions. We have a say in it and it does not follow a law.

Let me tell you a story.

Back in 2019, when I was about to write 100-level exams (can’t remember if it was first or second semester exams), my phone got stolen about a week before my exams while I was reading in class. It happened so fast and I was devastated because my laptop was bad and I had all the materials I was using to prepare for these exams on my phone. So I gathered my books, went to my hostel, bawled and next thing you know, I went to print out those materials with the last money I had.

I know you might be thinking, “Oh wow! What a strong or smart girl” or something along those lines but let me tell you the exact thought that was going through my mind. All I could think of at that time was, “This foolish person wants me to fail.” I couldn’t understand my anger but after crying that day, I was so angry at the person that stole my phone because he took what was mine of course but mostly because of the timing. And so my push then was to make a fool out of him and to ensure I passed so that his plan would not work.

It’s funny thinking about it now, I’m sure all that thief could think about was the money he was gonna make off the phone and not me failing but my reaction was fueled by actions and I passed those exams regardless.

Another thing I learned in the past year is to live one day at a time. I know someone is already thinking about doing something reckless, I have no hand in that. Lol. Also, I know that it’s a very popular saying but I see it from a new perspective now and I’ll love to share it with you.

I’ll talk more about this in the next episode. The “I’m Struggling” series will be back and in the spirit of the new year, I’ll be talking about “Struggling” with new year’s resolutions, some ways I work around it, and new tools I’m exploring in that aspect.

Do you struggle with new year’s resolutions? What do you do about it? If you’d like to be a part of next week’s episode, share your story here.

Like always, It’s 100% anonymous.

I’d like to dedicate this episode to a dear friend and father I lost in 2022, Pa Francis Senaya.

I know that you are resting in the lord’s bosom with your dear wife. I’m sorry I couldn’t see you before you left us but I can always hear your beautiful voice singing anytime I see these words “I will bless the Lord at all times”. Rest Páàlè, till we meet again.

It was amazing talking to you guys. Can’t wait to do this again next week. What are your thought on this? Kindly leave a comment. And now, to our stars of the day, these people were kind enough to share their feelings with me. Enjoy!

Geam

Anytime I think about the last few month, all I can say is thank you God because it’s been really challenging. I wrote two sets of exams one more challenging than the other. The final exam(MB) was so challenging that I gassed out. I couldn’t read, I couldn’t assimilate and I couldn’t even bother myself to cry cos hard guy. All I knew was that I was. fucked and I entered the exam hall and truly I was fucked. Nothing I read last minute or prior came out. I just synthesized most of my answers for the fact that I have an idea of what’s being asked. Left each exam hall feeling heartbroken. Saw some people smiling and I was like God when. Hopefully the exam results come out well. Fingers crossed. New 400L Mbbs ijn.

Asun

There were days at a stretch where I couldn’t eat, my stomach was even rejecting garri, what a life!!