Please Let Me Explain My Top Spotify Songs of 2016

2016 has been a WILD year both personally and generally. For starters, I have managed to look even more like Daria as the months go by, and I finally started tertiary education so I’m one step closer to being a contributing member to this capitalist bourgeoisie society, but more importantly — I finally caved in and got Spotify Premium.

There’s a nifty little playlist of your 101 most played songs that the Spotify Artificial Intelligencecurates for you at the end of every year, and holy shit boy do I have some explaining to do.

I can’t do all 101 songs, so let’s start with 10 of them.

  1. Wuthering Heights — Kate Bush

Earlier this year I spent 3 months being a useless privileged bum rotting at home and during this rather embarrassingly low point, I went through a month long Kate Bush obsession. I couldn’t stop listening to this song in particular because it reminded me of Joanna Newsom, who in turn reminded me of her husband Andy Samberg, who according to the burn book of 2014 (pictured below), is one of my favourite jews.

I clearly peaked in 2014

2. Make Up — Lou Reed

Wow okay so here’s a story — I was at the Morrissey gig alone a few months ago, and some Asian Russian guy by the name Vitaly could not stop talking to me even though I had expressed absolutely no interest in him. Zilch. I couldn’t leave or anything because I had a pretty good spot and it was really crowded, so I had to put up with him constantly going “Oh wow! I love the Eric Andre show! Haha! Investigate 311!” [Word of advice: just because we like the same bizzaro crap doesn’t mean I’m obliged to entertain you] Anyway, they were playing a bunch of music videos before the elusive asshole himself started performing and this absolute jam came on. It was at this very moment that Vitaly decided to tap the shoulder of some white man who was standing in front of me and go “EXCUSE ME SIR DO YOU MIND MAKING SOME SPACE FOR THIS DEAR LOVELY GIRL OVER HERE”. I wanted to climb onto the stage and commit seppuku. I can’t find the words to describe how incredibly embarrassed and pissed off I was, so I’ve tortured myself since by listening to this song repeatedly for the weeks that followed.

3. Anthems for a 17 year old — Broken Social Scene

I turned 17 in July! I feel nothing.

4. It’s Over — Seahaven

I admittedly have the biggest crush on Kyle Soto and one night I had approximately three panic attacks after hysterically texting Sonya that “Kyle Soto does hard drugs”, something I concluded from my extensive research which compromised of googling the likes of “kyle soto heroin” or “kyle soto cocaine”.

5. Anyone Else But You — The Moldy Peaches

Guys see to think I’m a manic pixie dream girl, so I deliver.

6. Just Like Honey — The Jesus and Mary Chain

I think I’ve mellowed a lot over the past year, so consequently I’ve slowly become one of those people who only listen to boring post-rock. I didn’t realise this song is about eating a girl out.

7. Cruise — Florida Georgia Line

DON’T YOU DARE SHAME ME FOR LISTENING TO FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE. Their brand of shitty country pop is incredible and very telling of my current mental state.

8. September — Earth, Wind & Fire

Whenever I get really stressed out by school, 80s pop hits get stuck in my head and this was ironically stuck in my head for about two straight weeks this December.

9. Baby, I’m an Anarchist! — Against Me!

This was my most played song after the election. Too bad I’m not actually an anarchist, I just really like it when Laura sings “throw bricks through that Starbucks window”.

10. Magazines — Brand New

Just listen to it. You’ll get why.

I think I’ve shared too much.

You can listen to the full playlist here:

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