If I don’t remember my friends on a daily basis, have I stopped caring about them?

I’ve been criticised by several people at times for “forgetting them”, as I move away from them to other places. I have often accepted the criticism whole-heartedly. Yes, I do not make appreciable efforts to get in touch with them frequently on social media and otherwise, and hence, when they do, they have all the right to rebuke me for this. But, I don’t quite get the logic.

People claim that the fact that I am not calling them often, or remembering them means I have stopped caring about them. This idea seems to have a merit. Let us analyse this properly. What do you think about the most?

Your job application?

Your grades?

Your crush?

Sex?

It is not hard to conclude that we surely care about things that we think increasingly of. However, does the inverse statement hold true? If I am not thinking about something too much, do I still care about it? Or does that thing holds any importance in my life anymore?

Remember this triangle from school? For the uninitiated, this triangle represents Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, arranged from bottom to top in decreasing order of importance in a human’s life. More or less, we all agree to this. Don’t we?

Now, which are the levels that contain the subjects of your thoughts? Parents, friends, spouses all find place in the third level from top. Find your level.

I’ll not be too wrong if I make an assumption that a person reading this article will have no concerns regarding their existence and safety. In that case, pick some words from the bottom level. How often do you think about them? Maybe very little. But, does that mean that you don’t care about them? About shelter? About food?

In the light of this new discussion, I would say that what we are thinking about may reflect our focus at a particular point of time, but it doesn’t say what’s important in our life and what’s not. If I am focusing on my girlfriend having a trifle with me, it’s because I am not starving and I have a place to sleep. (We might leave a few exceptions here.) It’s only after our basic needs are met, that we think about other things. That doesn’t make the basic needs less important. Like it is said, “A dog’s day ends when its tummy is full. Man’s begins.” We tend to stop thinking about things in life we are complacent with and those we are sure about. It is just how we are. A good friend calmly sitting in a different city is remembered little, whereas thoughts of your crush brims your mind, because the uncertainty of her being a part of your life is inherently unsettling.

And that is why, when somebody calls you up, appreciate them all the more. (because it takes effort!) So, next time anybody scolds you for not calling them enough, make them read this. I know that this post might convince them to believe that they are a little out of focus. We have a step 2 for that. Tell them, “When you are taking a picture, the things that are the closest to you are the first to loose focus.” You can thank me later. :P