The day was as usually boring with loads of works to be done and never-ending disses from the guy who was our senior at work. I couldn’t care any less about the stuff he was yapping about. The girl beside me was watering her cactus and she murmured something to the ‘Popo’, that’s what she called the plant and giggled like she had got a reply from her Popo. I don’t remember the last time when I was uselessly happy at little things like that.
The Sun had already set when we called it a day and started from the office, I had to stop by the shop for groceries. I undid the tucked in shirt and rolled up my shirt to let myself feel the little touch of freedom in it. While I was walking through the mob filled up in the market, I found my reflection passing through the glass doors mimicking my activities. I stopped at the door of a salon that looked like had taken place in history. I had been itching to grow this beard ever since I joined the office but they said it looked messy. Yes, I had to rebel that day, I stroked my beard at myself who was staring at me from the glass door and found my way home after having a feast.
By the time I reached home, the lights were off and so were people dozing off, I bet they had a long day too. I found the lights in my sister’s room was still on, I excused myself while she was fast asleep on her study material. I carefully carried her to the bed and tucked her in the bedsheet. Looking at her sleeping with such an innocent face I missed being young and carefree. She had her room filled with posters of various flowers and everything around was so flowery. She dreamt of becoming a florist.
Sometimes I wish it gets colder, even if I hate it, I just wish it would get colder for me to get wrapped in that sheets of the blanket to feel some warmth in this life. This idea of craving a colder room made me realise that the loneliness I felt was real. I was not a romanticist who had the worst break-up nor a one-sided lover of a girl like in those movies and dramas. But something in life was so enigmatic to carry it without feeling the weight pushing me down and down. If I were asked if I was living, I would say I was floating somewhere around the thin line that separated life and death.
I was stuck at the work, being alone at the office was not a new thing for me, yet it was strange. I saw the Popo grown up much taller than last week. “Popo!”, I called and wondered how the girl did this every day. Thoughtlessly, I moved closer to the Popo and brought my ear closet to it. The calm plant stared at me in silence. I rushed out to a florist’s without any second thought, I had bought a similar cactus and brought it home.
An awkward introduction, I carefully murmured to the new cactus when no one was awake. But I didn’t know what should be said next, I never tried to grow one before even though my sister had been growing varieties of plants. Uncalled for but fortunately, I had someone to ask for help there were two who were right there when I needed help. I went straight up to my sister and chit-chatted casually to bring up the topic. Something surprised her about me consulting her and she said, “You are doing a good job! And you’re growing well!”
These words had struck me hard like a lightning. ‘Ah! I needed this!’. I felt sadness and pleasure at the same time I left the room with mixed feelings. While the moon was busy chilling in the sky, every single thing that had made me go mad and sad rushed in like a huge tide. Something about life is nothing but a huge hollow, it doesn’t get filled nor emptied enough and it’s either too much or too little from our perspective. I guessed barely, that that hollow is often filled with something they call ‘love’ some other with ‘success’ and so on. And I did not decide but let it just be that hollow, a raw untouched hollow that did nothing good to me.
“What do you think, Hollow?”, this time I decided to fill it with this cactus.
